On To The Next One

In early March I had another ct-scan.  This was done a few weeks earlier than planned.  I've been having horrible lumbar spine pain, different than the tailbone pain which has since resolved.  I've actually have had this lumbar pain since the holidays, but had just chalked it up to traveling.  In early February I started having this pain continuously and it worsened.  At this time I also developed complete numbness to the anterior aspect of my right thigh.  It's especially annoying when I feel the need to scratch my leg but don't feel any relief when I do scratch it.

The only idea I ever have that my tumors have increased in size is back pain.  And so I wasn't surprised when Dr. D told me the immunotherapy wasn't working and that the tumors had grown, especially the one in my right iliac crest wing and a new one was in the stomach, one around the pole of a kidney and one at the base of my left lung.  I tried really hard not to cry when I heard the news, but I was completely devastated.  I had hoped so much that this treatment would be the one that would shrink the tumors.  Dr. D wasn't as hopeful as she has been in the past.  Basically she said to me, "You ultimately know the outcomes of this disease" as she handed me a copy of the CT-Scan results.  She is a good doctor, but treats me more like a colleague than a patient. 

The options she gave me were to try a PARP inhibitor which has been very promising in BRCA positive patients.  I'm BRCA negative, however there is a 20% chance this will work in BRCA negatives.  The other option was start weekly IV chemo, one that she offered would take my hair.  Um, that isn't an option.  The bald part isn't so bad.  It was the growing it out that was awful.  And if I'm going down, I'm going down with my hair.  Call me vain.  So we are on to the next treatment with hopes it will be the one that will dissolve the tumors.  Given that I'm going to be traveling a bunch in the next 3 months I opted for the PARP inhibitor.  Dr. P mentioned this treatment when I saw him at Mass General.  When I left Dr. D's office I felt like my time was dwindling and that I really needed to get my affairs in order, which I do need to do regardless.

I cried several tears that day along with Lauren and my parents.  I'm so grateful they were with me.  But then we dried our tears and set out to do some shopping.  I was sure I'd cry myself to sleep that night, but I didn't even shed a tear.  That night as many other times over the past nearly 4 years I felt an incredible sense of peace and comfort.  The prayers of so many were answered and have been answered as I've been able to carry on my daily routines (with the exception of a hard workout because of the pain.)

Last Tuesday, regardless that my insurance doesn't want to cover the PARP inhibitor because I'm not BRCA positive, the drug company sent me 2 weeks of treatment which I started.  That night I broke out with hives.  My awesome neighbor found me some benadryl from another neighbor and after a few days the rash cleared up.  But what hasn't cleared up is the awful metallic taste that I have when I drink water.  I love my water bottle and drink a ton of water every day.  I have found however that adding crystal lite helps this problem as well as peppermint tea.  This treatment is so new that Dr. Dan has never even used it.  We looked up the side effects and 39 percent of people get dysgeusia or alteration of taste.

I started thinking that if the presacral mass, which actually shrunk 9mm on this scan, from the radiation I had in the Fall that it could help with the mass on the iliac crest.  I'm pretty sure this is what is causing the back pain because it is on the same level as the back pain.  Plus it is pushing on the artery and the nerve, which is causing the numbness to the thigh.  So I made an executive decision and made an appointment with Dr. Q.

This past Friday I returned to Boise for my scheduled appointment with Dr. Dan.  He is so optimistic and every time I leave his office I feel that I have several years to live.  He tells me we have yet to run out of options.  He also didn't feel that the spot near the lung was cancer.  That was reassuring.  He was impressed that I had already made an appointment with Dr Q and told me he was going to run down and talk with her before I saw her.  She of course is super positive and felt another round of radiation would help with my pain.  Typically she likes to do radiation over a 5-6 week period.  I don't have that long.  In fact I told her I only had a week.  She said she could do that but would rather do it over 2 weeks.  Even the social worker Diane was involved and got my plane ticket change fee waved.  I LOVE St. Lukes MSTI.  The staff is incredible, sincere and they feel like family.  The feeling is completely different than in AZ, where the warm family feeling is definitely not there. 

The Rubaca (which is the PARP Inhibitor) has some side effects which include nausea, fatigue and anemia.  I'm eating a lot of red meat with the hopes I won't become anemic.  The fatigue and nausea I'm trying to combat this with probiotics, omeprazole, an occasional zofran and caffeine. 

I had my first radiation treatment late this afternoon.  I feel just fine for now, with the exception of some killer back pain.  Given I'm having three times the dose as typical I'm sure the side effects are right around the corner.  We are also radiating two other small masses that I can feel in my pelvis which drive me crazy, especially because when I found the one around my pubic bone in June it was tiny (and Dr. Dan brushed it off as scar tissue) and now it is close to a centimeter. 

And so the fight continues.  I haven't given up and I won't until I can't hang on any longer.  The research and medical professionals would say there is no hope for a cure and there likely isn't, but there are still options.  I hope it's this PARP inhibitor and I'm one of the 20 percent that it works on.  I still believe in miracles and hope for one.  When I read my scriptures each night, it's amazing how a verse or sentence will catch my eye that gives me hope and faith to keep hoping for that miracle. 

Saturday was the General Women's Broadcast from SLC which our church has every 6 months.  The first speaker talked about my favorite scripture, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct thy paths."  Every time I think of this scripture I focus on the word trust.  She however focused on the word lean.  Sister Cordon said, "When we spiritually lean to our own understanding, we lean away from our Savior. If we lean, we are not centered; we are not balanced; we are not focused on Christ."  I just love this.  It gave me new insight into this favorite scripture of mine.

In the same conference Sister Burton said, "But I know and I believe that thou are the Christ the Son of God.  Sometimes we have to remember in Whom we trust; some One that loves us perfectly and wants nothing but the best for us.  We may not understand everything, but as we seek to follow His loving example, we will find the peace that we are seeking in our lives."

I often think of the many people I've been able to meet, the opportunities that have come my way and the characteristics I've developed over the past nearly 4 years.  And it's all because of a diagnosis of ovarian cancer.  It is in these thinking moments that the why questions are answered.  

Lauren's Visit

My friend Lauren came out for a visit for 10 days.  Oh, what fun we had.  It was nice to have mom and dad here for most of her visit.  We did a lot of work on the craft room.  Lauren is super talented, it helps that she is tall and knows how to work a drill!  I'm pretty sure there aren't many women who will leave their 4 young boys and husband to fly across the country to help their friend organize a very messy craft room.  Lauren spent 10 days away from her family responsibilities to spend time with me.  This is a true friend indeed.  I'm so grateful for mom, dad and Lauren for all that they have done in my home.  I really love the new additions.  They make me want to be home more. 

One day we spent watching a Spring Training game, Giants vs. Dodgers.

It was a perfect day at the ball field and super fun. 

We did plenty of shopping, watched some sunsets, ate lots of good food at restaurants I've never visited, had us a spa day and drank lots of homemade lemonade.  All in all it was a fantastic time, even though the days always ended quicker than when I'm home alone. 

It's So Good To Be Home

Mom and Dad were here for nearly 6 weeks.  It is always so wonderful to have them here.  Dad has told me that he likes to be busy when he is here.  He has never been one to sit around and I'm glad that I can keep him busy.  I love the additions that he puts in my home.  It feels like my home is finally mine and almost perfect, except for the backyard, that's another story for another post.  And another project that isn't on my radar for a while.

When dad was here in September he put up the cabinets (which were free because the cabinet people never came to pick them up even though I called them at least 5 times) for my entertainment center.  It looked pretty blah.  But now it is complete with shelves, a bead board back and a new, much larger TV.

I found a design with instructions for my mud room.  It just seemed like an empty room, but now it welcomes me home each day.  Dad put up the wall paneling, which I love and mom found this awesome European, very heavy bench at Homegoods.  It saved dad from having to build me a bench. 

When I was home a few months ago I made this sign and just put it up on Sunday.  I love it.  I have full intentions to stain the frame, but it hasn't been done and I don't see it happening anytime either.
 
Dad put some bead board under my bar in September.  The bar has needed some bar stools for the past year.  I've had a hard time finding some that I liked.  Well I just happened to drive by a second hand store and lo and behold they had a set of 3 for 89 dollars.  Total Steal!  I was so happy that I backed into a yellow pole.  And now those bar stools will cost me 589 when I get my little dent and new yellow paint color fixed.  Grrr.

Dad put bead board up in the rest of the family room.  I love it.  This room is so big and needed something.  Mom also switched the furniture from the front room.  I actually like it better.  I also love that I have some white in this room instead of the walls all being the same color.  I had full intentions of getting a wall painted, but that didn't happen.  I got this darling secretary desk from some friends of mine who inherited it from a friends uncle who passed away.  I've been wanting one for a good while and love the size of this.  I had originally put it in my craft room, but it ended up here, which is perfect.

Lauren came from NC for 10 days.  Aside from seeing me, her goal was to come create and organize my craft room.  I don't know many friends who will leave their 4 boys at home and come clear across the country, especially when she is afraid to fly and spend a few days organizing, painting and perfecting my craft room.  It's exactly what I wanted it to look like.  In addition I found some fabulous very gently used Land of Nod furniture from a lady down the street.  I had no intentions of turning this into a bedroom, but I absolutely love it.  We stopped at an antique store in Chandler one evening and I found the exact quilt that I wanted on this bed.  Lucky me it was 40 percent off.  And how often do you see such cute pillows that say, "Hello There Handsome" and on sale!

 This mirror was my grandma Young's.  I love it in this room and so happy I finally got it up.  The desk top I found in my garage, left over from the cabinets.  We got the legs at IKEA.  Can you see the little suitcase?  It was my grandma Jeanne's.  I love the addition that it brings and it is also great for storage.  I also love the shadow box that I found which houses some of my special hankies.

I would never have thought to put a lamp above the bed.  Lauren's idea=brilliant.

I love the few additions to my other guest bedroom.  It's amazing what a new lamp shade will do to a room. The beach picture in the corner was painted by a friend of mine and I found the perfect frame for it.