A Few Things Before We Go Cruisin'

I flew home Wednesday and had my routine scan and blood work Thursday.  I then went to MSTI Nampa to have my dressing changed and as soon as I got there the nurse asked to look at my eyes.  He had just gotten a call from Boise MSTI that my Hemoglobin was low and that I needed to have a blood transfusion.  Um no wonder I've been vomiting in dressing rooms, in the parking lot at Costco and other entities.  I finally get it, when my heart rate goes up, I get short of breath and start vomiting with even the slightest exertion it means I need a transfusion.  I'm pretty sure I had other plans for my day, actually I was going to have lunch with Alisha, but that changed rather quickly.  Instead I had a date on the 4th floor with my amazing nurses, one of which was recently diagnosed and treated for breast cancer (she actually is positive for BRCA1 and 2 which is rare) and one who took care of me when I was really sick.  I was the only one there.  It was kind of nice to have their one on one attention and to talk freely.  Every time I get blood I think about the people who took the time to donate for me.  I'm so grateful for them.  Someday I hope that I will know who they are and can thank them personally.  It is such a gift that I can't live without.

Yesterday I visited Dr. Dan and reviewed my scan.  Unfortunately there is some growth from my scan in March, especially the one on the vaginal anal wall, the mass in the upper abdomen and some new spots on the liver.  But there was also some tumors in the lungs that shrunk.  We decided that we would stay on tamoxifen and start cytoxan which is an oral chemo.  It has been quite a while since I have been on chemo.  Thankfully I won't lose my hair on this.  However, I am getting really tired of the bone pain that is caused from the tamoxifen.  My hips and thighs feel like I've been hit with a baseball bat.  Unfortunately the long acting pain medication isn't really helping my spine pain.  I feel like I'm counting down the hours until I can take my next short acting pain medication.  Of course I had to visit nurse Pat while I was there.  I will be so sad when she retires in October.  She is one of the only nurses who can actually get my port to work.

The kids came over for a little swimming today.  Unfortunately I'm not really allowed to swim with this lovely back jewelry.  I'm sure I will from time to time, but not today.  It is always fun to watch the kids swim though.

Dad and mom always want to get rid of this airplane, but I keep reminding them how much fun the kids have on it.

The rest of this evening was spent packing and getting ready for our big Alaskan Cruise.  We leave tomorrow!  I can't wait.  I've heard this is a trip of a lifetime.  I guess we shall see!

Keep on Keeping on Cancer Update

I know it's been a while since I have updated you on my cancer journey and many have asked if I'm still having treatment.  It's been a journey to say the least.  A journey I'm getting use to, but one that I wish would end with me being healed.  I've tried to have the mindset that I have a chronic disease like diabetes or high blood pressure, but I want this to get behind me and let me get back to working more than 3 days a month.  Although that would mean I'd have to stay home more than I do and travel less!

I've pretty much not been on any treatment since my last dose of the immunotherapy on February 22.  I so wish that it would have worked, but it didn't so on to the next one; Rubaca which I only took for 3 weeks since it was thought it was making me sick and ultimately ended with a hospital stay over Easter Weekend.  It's hard to say if that was what was making me ill or if it was the tumor that is growing from outside of my stomach but pushing into my stomach.  At that time I was actually having two different abdominal pains, one was from a radiation induced colitis, which has finally resolved after several rounds of Prednisone.

I decided that after that experience I needed a chemo break through my many travels over the past few months, which is exactly what my body and mind needed.  It was a nice break too.  Unfortunately I felt rather sick through most of it with horrible stomach pain after eating.  A scan done in May showed the tumor had grown nearly 1 cm from early March to measure 3.1cm.  From the looks of the CT, the barium swallow and the endoscopy that I had in early June, it seems like this is the culprit.  However over the past few weeks I've felt pretty good with eating and rarely have pain.  I'm not sure if it is because I've learned how to eat to not have pain, if the tumor has shrunk on it's own, or if the Rubaca is finally out of my system and the cause of my pain.  Who knows, but whatever it was, I'll take no pain.

It was decided in May per Dr. Dan and other physicians at St. Lukes that surgery was my best option.  However I met with a surgeon the day I returned from Hawaii and after seeing the results of the barium swallow and the endoscopy he felt the surgery was to risky because it would involve a surgery of the pancreas as well, because the tumor is backed up to the pancreas.  The pictures show the tumor of the stomach opening into the duodenum (where the food goes from the stomach into the intestines.)  I did ask the surgeon what happens if the tumor gets bigger and I can't digest my food.  He told me he would consider surgery then or put a tube in where I could pass fluids.  Um no, I'm a foodie and life without food would be miserable and unacceptable.  How un-fun and un-cool it would be to go to lunch with my girlfriends and have to watch them eat delicious food while I sipped on my Ensure. 

By this time it was the middle of June.  I felt like I was back to where we were in May, what do we do next?  I have to remind myself often, like sometimes several times a day to be patient.  Answers to prayers don't often come right now or when we want them, but with patience and faith they come.  President Monson said it perfectly in today's quote from my quote of the day book that I read every night, "I testify that much joy comes as we recognize that we can communicate with our Heavenly Father through prayer and that those prayers will be heard and answered-perhaps not how and when we expected they would be answered, but they will be answered, and by a Heavenly Father who knows and loves us perfectly and who desires our happiness." 

Dr. Dan had talked with Dr. P in Boston who proposed we try a once a day pill to block the estrogen that is being produced by the adrenal glands.  It is thought that maybe the tumors are hormone related.  This medicine is typically used in breast cancer treatment.  I kept feeling like I needed to go to MD Anderson in Houston since I had talked to Kirts boss back in March who had ovc and went there with good results.  Dr. Dan was in full support of another opinion as well.  So I made the phone call and got an appointment June 30 with the director of gyn oncology who Dr. D actually happened to do her fellowship under.

MD Anderson and Mass General have both looked at my pathology slides.  Mass General told me that this was a high grade tumor that was fast growing.  MD Anderson disagrees and feels this is a low grade tumor that is slow growing and typically resistant to chemo, which would explain why I haven't seen any progress over the past 2 years (Yes it's been 2 years since I've had a recurrence).

I was super impressed with MD Anderson and Dr. S.  My visit consisted of us all sitting around a table discussing my  disease and my treatment.  I didn't feel rushed (which I never have by any of my physicians) and I was given plenty of time to ask questions.  Dr. S and her team also feel like the estrogen blocker was the way to go.  I loved that at the end of my visit, even though we agreed that I can continue to have my scans and treatment by Dr. Dan or Dr D, that Dr. S told me I will always be her patient and she can see me or answer my questions at any time.

I started the Letrozole (estrogen blocker) 6 Days ago.  I pretty much don't feel much different other than a few more aches and pains, which is a side effect.  It's more like just feeling like I worked out a little too hard.  Nothing I can't handle.  They say it causes hot flashes, but I've only felt my face flush once for a few minutes.

The first week in October I will have another CT scan to see if the tumors are shrinking or staying the same size.  I hope and pray for these results.  If not there is another medicine group called a Mek Inhibitor that we can try.

The Thursday that I arrived for the Ovarian Cancer Retreat in NC I started having excruciating low back pain, the same pain I had from the tumor in my right posterior iliac crest that was radiated in March.  Talk about disappointment.  For 15 days I took pain meds nearly around the clock for some relief of pain.  I couldn't get comfortable especially at night as the pain was worse with any position in bed.  Miraculously I had no pain yesterday, with the exception of a little at night and today has been the same.  Does this mean the Letrozole is already working?  I hope so, but I also believe that Heavenly Father is listening to me and answered my pleadings to take my pain away or at least make it bearable. 

I often have people ask me how I stay so positive through this journey.  It's because of my faith in the Lord and my desire for a miracle or maybe just the hope that my life will be extended past the projected life expectancy of one with this deadly disease.  I also realize that there are so many other things that are worse than what I am enduring.  I believe that the many prayers that are said in my behalf are heard by our loving Heavenly Father.  Yes, He is in charge, but I believe the quote my mom has in her kitchen, "Prayer Changes Things."  Most of all I feel so much peace and comfort from your prayers.  I really believe this is the real reason why this trial is bearable beyond what it should be.  So Thank You, even  though I know you are probably all so tired of praying for me, please don't stop. Keep those prayers coming!

Angels Are Everywhere

The past week and a half has been rough to say the least.  I've felt physically and emotionally exhausted.  My body feels like it has been through the ringer.  I hurt when I eat.  I hurt when I don't eat.  I've gained a few pounds, mostly by the many liters of fluid I've been filled with.  It couldn't be from what I'm putting in my mouth, because I've hardly done that for 4 weeks.  I'm so tired that my suitcase is literally where I left it when I returned home a week and a half ago.  I did remove the dirty clothes and put them in a basket, which is now overflowing.  But I just have not felt well enough to do anything with them.  I'm hoping in the next few days that will change.

Let's back up to 2 Saturday's ago when I did feel well enough to attend Anne Of Green Gables with my Aunt Leslie and my cousins.  We had been planning this for a while and I wasn't going to miss it.  We had the best time at this tiny theater in the country.  Plus these ladies are angels to me and I love them dearly. 

The next evening as I was trying to eat I was sitting at my bar and I noticed a picture I have of my Grandpa Swensen on my fridge.  At that moment I felt his arms around my shoulders and knew he was with me and helping me through this journey.

Thursday I continued to have horrible abdominal pain.  I not only had cramping in my upper abdomen, but I also had what felt like surgical pain.  Thursday evening my Bishop and Melanie stopped by.  In our conversation I told them that I felt I wasn't ready to leave Earth.  That I didn't feel like I have done all that I needed to do.  But Bishop reassured me that I have.  He asked me if I had a testimony and I said yes.  It was interesting as I sat in the hospital reading my scriptures one night that I read this verse, "Nevertheless, ye are blessed for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you and your sins are forgiven you. And now continue your journey." D&C 62: 3-4.  This was very reassuring to me and gave me great comfort.

The pain through that night became so excruciating that it woke me several times.  I kept thinking to just wait it out until morning and then I'd call Dr. D and she would admit me to the hospital.  A few days before this, my neighbor had sent me a text saying that she felt she should have let herself into my house to check on me.  At some point between my waking up at 2, 4, and 6 I heard someone in my house and thought it was her, but she never came into my room.  I suspect there was an angel watching over me, helping me through the night, as it was easy for me to fall back to sleep between episodes of pain.  It may have been my Grandpa Young trying to find his way through my kitchen.  I don't know, but I like to think that. 

I called Dr. D's office just after 8 and the phone lines sent me to the on call line.  I told them my issues and Dr. D immediately called me.  I told her of my pains and she agreed an admission was necessary.  She called me back after checking for beds.  They were all full, but a few rooms were opening that morning at St. Joes.  Melanie was suppose to pick me up Friday morning at 11 to take me for more fluids.  I sent Melanie a text letting her know that I'd call her when a bed opened up.  Meanwhile, my friend Huyson called me and asked if she could bring me a drink from Jamba Juice.  It was just the juice and tasted so good.  She visited with me for a while and then Melanie came over.  At one point I told them I had to get back in bed because of the pain and fatigue.  Huyson left and Melanie was going to be decided she was going to stay and read to make sure I was ok.

The hospital called around 1215 and told me they had a bed.  I was never so excited to have to go to the hospital.  You know me if I'm not dying I'm not going to an ED, let alone a hospital.  But I was beyond caring.  I just needed some relief.  The resident came in shortly after I arrived.  He could barely touch my abdomen without me having pain.  An x-ray was ordered to make sure there was nothing else like a perforation or obstruction, which there wasn't. On his way out, I did suggest that I hadn't had my TSH (thyroid) tested for a few months, but since I was off the Optivo which was causing the thyroid issues for the past 6 weeks you would have thought it would be out of my system.

I came across this picture and quote on Friday.  I put it on my instagram with the caption:
"This weeks plan was to pack and prepare to fly to Australia on Monday.  Instead I'm laying in a hospital bed with fluids and pain meds flowing at a constant stream.  Australia might just have to wait a day or two until I'm on the mend.  It has however given me some quiet time to contemplate the true meaning of this Easter week."   Huyson commented:  "I have been thinking about what you and I discuss often: what more there is for you to learn from your trials.  I decided it must be because the rest of us need to learn from your example of trial-bearing.  That hardly seems fair, I know!  Christ was perfect and yet he endured unthinkable trials for us.  I know I am becoming a better person from knowing you, and there is no doubt in my mind you are one of the best who ever lived."  I still can't read this without crying.  It is so humbling.

Saturday morning when the resident came in he told me the TSH was 97 and that he'd never seen one that high.  I informed him it had been 144 at Christmas.  This definitely explains the fatigue.  Dr. D came in that morning and agreed that we needed to double the synthroid.  Around noon the nurse came in with some steroid pills, which I wasn't happy about, because they always make me wide awake, which I should have been happy about.  Sunday morning Dr. D informed me that she was reading that Optivo could cause a colitis weeks after stopping it and to use steroids.  The crazy things was I didn't have any symptoms of the typical colitis which usually include diarrhea, high white count, vomiting and a fever.  Well those steroids worked and by evening I was feeling so much better.  I walked several times around the floor both days and even enjoyed a visit Saturday morning from Aunt Leslie and Uncle Gordon and an evening visit from my friends the Sondrups.

I informed all that I needed to be gone as early as I could Sunday morning because this girl needed to be at Easter Services.  I was out of the hospital a little after nine and even early for church to sing in the choir.  As I was being wheeled out of the hospital elevator I noticed a man walking like he was trying to find something and then he spotted me and looked at me.  I stared at him and recognized his face as the face of a friend of mine whose father recently passed away from lung cancer.  It was so mind boggling to me because I never met this man, but I have prayed for him and his family for many months.  I let this friend know of this experience and she wrote back saying, "He is our angel now. There is no doubt.  I had told him to watch after you before he passed." 

I have had so many angels both here and in Heaven watching over me the past week and a half.  I couldn't have done it without them.  I love this quote that I got in my email today,

"At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right." Elder Anderson

Isn't that so true?

I still don't feel fabulous, but I know that I will soon.  I'm praying that come Saturday when mom, dad and I fly to Melbourne that we will all feel well and have a joyous time.  (My mom was just as sick or worse than I last week with the flu and is finally slowly on the mend)  I called the airlines on Saturday night.  I'm sure I recognized the voice of the lady on the other end of the line.  I know I've talked to her before.  She was so patient, helpful and rearranged our trip and was able to use our flight credit from Sydney to Melbourne to add to the little that we had to pay for all of the changes.  What a blessing and an angel.  And dad is happy he is flying with mom and none of us are flying through Korea or China on our way back from Bali, but back through Sydney and LA.  I'm a little sad to miss several days in Sydney, but hey at least the entire trip isn't a flop.  I've learned since my diagnosis to let things go, don't ask why and to just go with it.

A few more quote's that really helped me this week:

I love, love, love this last quote.  It has brought me so much peace and understanding this week.

I've decided it's a good idea to stop all treatment until my next scan in late June or early July.  Who knows, maybe the small nodules that haven't been treated with radiation will resolve on their own.  I did ask Dr. D about the mass on the kidney and she said she didn't think it was cancerous as it has been there through all of the scans and hasn't enlarged.  That gave me some relief.  As long as I'm not having any back pain I'm good.  I am so happy that the radiation has taken the back pain away. And I'm so grateful for the many angels in my life.  I have been so blessed to have calls, texts, flowers, rides, meals, prayers, support and everything that I needed this week.  In fact today a sweet friend brought me dinner.  I cried as I opened the door because of the love that I have felt from so many.  When I opened the containers and saw all of the fresh vegetables I was in heaven.  My body needed those nutrients so badly and was so happy to have them. 

I wonder sometimes why the cancer wasn't caught earlier or why I came to Arizona.  These ladies are not only my angels by my dearest friends.  When I think of why Arizona, I know it was to have them and many others bless my life.
 
I love my nieces and nephews.  I especially loved the pictures I was sent this weekend.  Today Aidree Face timed me.  She was so funny telling me that her mom was looking for her chocolate bunny, but that she hid it in her backpack.  Great way to not let mom eat your candy while you are at school!

Can't Catch A Break

As I'm sitting here on my couch watching my favorite series Hart of Dixie I have to breath through the contraction like pain I've been having in my abdomen since Sunday.  The cramping lasts for about 5-10 seconds and comes and goes every 5-10 minutes or so.  Yes, I've never had real contractions, but I had a kidney stone when I was 8 and I imagine this is exactly what contractions feel like...cramping really bad, build up and then release.  I was for sure I had something that was going to require a tube in my nose or a surgery. I actually worked through this pain for 13 hours yesterday.  Crazy Girl.  Not only do I have cramping pain I have surgery like pain on top of it. 

Today my friend Melinda accompanied me to my scheduled Dr.'s appointment with Dr. D.  My abdomen is so tender to barely any touch that I actually wore my stretchy pants, which I would typically not do such a thing.  It was agreed that a CT was definitely in order.

That's not all, I've been so thirsty the last few days and seriously couldn't get enough water, which is now finally tasting normal since I stopped taking the PARP Inhibitor Monday.  I am almost positive my body just can't handle it.  The first treatment in 4 years that I just can't do.  Given the fact that my tongue was basically attached to the roof of my mouth we also agreed a liter of fluids was necessary.  As Dr. D put it, baby steps to getting me back to feeling better.  Oh, did I add that I'm rediculously tired, nauseated and have absolutely no appetite from that medicine.  3 weeks is all I could do of those side effects.   

I admitted to Dr. D that I need a break physically and emotionally from any treatment.  She reassured me that its okay.  We will revisit it after my world travels. 

The CT came back showing Colitis.  The funny thing is the symptoms typically for colitis are diarrhea, fever, vomiting, and a high white count; all of which I don't have.  My white count today was 2.35, so this isn't likely infectous.  I'm blaming it on the meds and it causing a heck of inflammation in my abdomen.  I actually feel like I just had surgery.  Walking, riding in a car, especially going over bumps and turning over in bed makes the pain so much worse.  If I can lay or sit very still I can handle it. 

Dr. D gave me 3 options: Hospital stay tonight, return to her office for fluids and evaluation tomorrow and if I'm doing better no hospital stay, but if I'm not doing better I'll be admitted.  She actually told me to bring a packed hospital bag just in case.  Seriously that's the last thing I want and so close to my trip too.  The other option was to take an antibiotic in case it is an infection, which would likely give me diarrhea.  I opted for number 2.  I'm praying that I feel better tomorrow.  Oh, and she told me I couldn't work my shifts this weekend.  Dr's orders. 

The Good News:  I have an amazing friend Melinda who sat with me all day.  She picked me up at 9am and didn't leave my house until 5pm.  I'm incredibly grateful for people who serve me, even though I wish I was the one serving. 

Even better news is that after having a blessing on Wednesday the back pain improved and by Saturday it was gone and is still gone.  In the blessing my brother Troy blessed that the back pain would resolve.  Yes, I believe the radiation worked, but I also believe in the power of the priesthood and that Heavenly Father answers prayers. 

Alisha sent me this picture last week.  Oh how I love tulips!

On To The Next One

In early March I had another ct-scan.  This was done a few weeks earlier than planned.  I've been having horrible lumbar spine pain, different than the tailbone pain which has since resolved.  I've actually have had this lumbar pain since the holidays, but had just chalked it up to traveling.  In early February I started having this pain continuously and it worsened.  At this time I also developed complete numbness to the anterior aspect of my right thigh.  It's especially annoying when I feel the need to scratch my leg but don't feel any relief when I do scratch it.

The only idea I ever have that my tumors have increased in size is back pain.  And so I wasn't surprised when Dr. D told me the immunotherapy wasn't working and that the tumors had grown, especially the one in my right iliac crest wing and a new one was in the stomach, one around the pole of a kidney and one at the base of my left lung.  I tried really hard not to cry when I heard the news, but I was completely devastated.  I had hoped so much that this treatment would be the one that would shrink the tumors.  Dr. D wasn't as hopeful as she has been in the past.  Basically she said to me, "You ultimately know the outcomes of this disease" as she handed me a copy of the CT-Scan results.  She is a good doctor, but treats me more like a colleague than a patient. 

The options she gave me were to try a PARP inhibitor which has been very promising in BRCA positive patients.  I'm BRCA negative, however there is a 20% chance this will work in BRCA negatives.  The other option was start weekly IV chemo, one that she offered would take my hair.  Um, that isn't an option.  The bald part isn't so bad.  It was the growing it out that was awful.  And if I'm going down, I'm going down with my hair.  Call me vain.  So we are on to the next treatment with hopes it will be the one that will dissolve the tumors.  Given that I'm going to be traveling a bunch in the next 3 months I opted for the PARP inhibitor.  Dr. P mentioned this treatment when I saw him at Mass General.  When I left Dr. D's office I felt like my time was dwindling and that I really needed to get my affairs in order, which I do need to do regardless.

I cried several tears that day along with Lauren and my parents.  I'm so grateful they were with me.  But then we dried our tears and set out to do some shopping.  I was sure I'd cry myself to sleep that night, but I didn't even shed a tear.  That night as many other times over the past nearly 4 years I felt an incredible sense of peace and comfort.  The prayers of so many were answered and have been answered as I've been able to carry on my daily routines (with the exception of a hard workout because of the pain.)

Last Tuesday, regardless that my insurance doesn't want to cover the PARP inhibitor because I'm not BRCA positive, the drug company sent me 2 weeks of treatment which I started.  That night I broke out with hives.  My awesome neighbor found me some benadryl from another neighbor and after a few days the rash cleared up.  But what hasn't cleared up is the awful metallic taste that I have when I drink water.  I love my water bottle and drink a ton of water every day.  I have found however that adding crystal lite helps this problem as well as peppermint tea.  This treatment is so new that Dr. Dan has never even used it.  We looked up the side effects and 39 percent of people get dysgeusia or alteration of taste.

I started thinking that if the presacral mass, which actually shrunk 9mm on this scan, from the radiation I had in the Fall that it could help with the mass on the iliac crest.  I'm pretty sure this is what is causing the back pain because it is on the same level as the back pain.  Plus it is pushing on the artery and the nerve, which is causing the numbness to the thigh.  So I made an executive decision and made an appointment with Dr. Q.

This past Friday I returned to Boise for my scheduled appointment with Dr. Dan.  He is so optimistic and every time I leave his office I feel that I have several years to live.  He tells me we have yet to run out of options.  He also didn't feel that the spot near the lung was cancer.  That was reassuring.  He was impressed that I had already made an appointment with Dr Q and told me he was going to run down and talk with her before I saw her.  She of course is super positive and felt another round of radiation would help with my pain.  Typically she likes to do radiation over a 5-6 week period.  I don't have that long.  In fact I told her I only had a week.  She said she could do that but would rather do it over 2 weeks.  Even the social worker Diane was involved and got my plane ticket change fee waved.  I LOVE St. Lukes MSTI.  The staff is incredible, sincere and they feel like family.  The feeling is completely different than in AZ, where the warm family feeling is definitely not there. 

The Rubaca (which is the PARP Inhibitor) has some side effects which include nausea, fatigue and anemia.  I'm eating a lot of red meat with the hopes I won't become anemic.  The fatigue and nausea I'm trying to combat this with probiotics, omeprazole, an occasional zofran and caffeine. 

I had my first radiation treatment late this afternoon.  I feel just fine for now, with the exception of some killer back pain.  Given I'm having three times the dose as typical I'm sure the side effects are right around the corner.  We are also radiating two other small masses that I can feel in my pelvis which drive me crazy, especially because when I found the one around my pubic bone in June it was tiny (and Dr. Dan brushed it off as scar tissue) and now it is close to a centimeter. 

And so the fight continues.  I haven't given up and I won't until I can't hang on any longer.  The research and medical professionals would say there is no hope for a cure and there likely isn't, but there are still options.  I hope it's this PARP inhibitor and I'm one of the 20 percent that it works on.  I still believe in miracles and hope for one.  When I read my scriptures each night, it's amazing how a verse or sentence will catch my eye that gives me hope and faith to keep hoping for that miracle. 

Saturday was the General Women's Broadcast from SLC which our church has every 6 months.  The first speaker talked about my favorite scripture, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct thy paths."  Every time I think of this scripture I focus on the word trust.  She however focused on the word lean.  Sister Cordon said, "When we spiritually lean to our own understanding, we lean away from our Savior. If we lean, we are not centered; we are not balanced; we are not focused on Christ."  I just love this.  It gave me new insight into this favorite scripture of mine.

In the same conference Sister Burton said, "But I know and I believe that thou are the Christ the Son of God.  Sometimes we have to remember in Whom we trust; some One that loves us perfectly and wants nothing but the best for us.  We may not understand everything, but as we seek to follow His loving example, we will find the peace that we are seeking in our lives."

I often think of the many people I've been able to meet, the opportunities that have come my way and the characteristics I've developed over the past nearly 4 years.  And it's all because of a diagnosis of ovarian cancer.  It is in these thinking moments that the why questions are answered.  

Colleens Dream Weekend

Thursday I was up bright and early to have infusion.  I've had back pain for several weeks, the kind where it feels super sore in my lumbar spine, which is different than the tailbone pain.  I've also been having constant numbness to my right anterior thigh.  It was decided at treatment that I will have a ct-scan a few weeks earlier than thought.  I'm hoping it's nothing, even though it is obviously something.

After treatment we picked Nick up from the airport.  Erin, Tony, Nick and I then went to the VIP Colleens Dream party.  It was super fun to people that I've met the last few years. Billy Cundiff is pictured on the right.  He is the kindest man.  I'm so grateful for him and Nicole and the entire Colleens Dream team who spends countless hours working to raise money and awareness for OVC.

Friday morning was the golf tournament.  I look forward to this every year.  It's fun to check people in and feel the excitement that a bunch of men have to golf for such an important cause. The view and weather was gorgeous, despite it was slightly cool, but perfect.

Johnny Hecker is so friendly.  It was so nice to visit with him.  I keep promising him I'll see one of his games and I haven't.  Next season for sure.

That night we picked up my Uncle Stuart and then met Leslie and Gordon for dinner. 

Saturday Erin, Mom and I got pedicures.  I also got a sweet freezer for cheap.  We got ourselves all beautified and then headed to the Gala.  It was beautiful as always and so much fun.  Billy talked about me in his speech, how even though I have cancer I continue to live and enjoy life.

I won a silent auction OVC quilt, which is beautiful.  I'm so grateful for everyone donating their time and money for a cause that I live with every day.  Talk about pure unselfishness.