This morning's chemo went ok, it ended up being much longer than it needed to be, given we are on Island Time and no one but me moves fast. Over the past hour the fatigue and abdominal discomfort have arrived, but not too bad. I am hoping a good nights rest will improve these side effects. I'm really hoping since I only had one of the drugs today instead of the 2 I had last time that I'll be able to bounce back quicker.
I will admit I'm a little discouraged tonight. My ovarian cancer marker went from 64.9, 1 month ago to 83 today, normal is less than 36. Sometimes the numbers elevate and then go down, but it has never gone up when I was on chemo.
My neutrophil count went down from 0.9 to 0.8 which it should be above 2, however my white count did improve from 2 to 3.4, even though it should be between 4-11. So many prayers have been said in my behalf and yet the numbers aren't improving. I know I need to be a little patient given I've just started the chemo but It does give me a little fear of this regimen not working, even though my original symptoms of back pain have improved. Unfortunately we are going to have to go with the injection next week to boost the white count, so that when they implement the second medicine on August 20, my counts will be up. Because this medicine works on the bone marrow, side effects that typically occur are long bone discomfort and fever; I have heard of people who don't have any side effects from it. Maybe I will be the lucky one.
To top off the craziness, this evening the ER called to tell me a patient I have seen twice this week was diagnosed with pertussis. I am immunized against this and they have empirically placed me on an antibiotic as they have with all who have come in contact with the patient. It is a little scary however given that my immune system is compromised, but being immunized I should be fine. I am forbidden now to see any ill patients. I can only see the trauma's and I have to wear gloves and a mask which I will strictly follow.
Over the past 11 years that I've been in practice I've only worked with 2 members of the church. One of them is working with me this Summer. Last night he gave me a blessing. The spirit in the room was almost tangible. I don't believe it is a coincidence that he is here this Summer and worked with me yesterday. My testimony of the Priesthood has increased 10 fold over the past 2 years as I've been given many blessings and seen the blessings come forth.
I appreciate so much the prayers and fasting from so many of you including my dear ward members, strangers, friends and family. I feel these prayers being answered as most of the time I am at peace and feel rather well. I'm anxious to return to Phoenix in a month. I will be praying and fasting along with many others on Sunday that the chemo will kill the cancer and that I will have minimal side effects from the chemo. In the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints, the church I belong to, we fast for 2 meals the first Sunday of each month. When we fast it draws us closer to our Heavenly Father. We fast for those in need, our own needs and for gratitude. We also pay a fast offering of our choosing, which goes to those in need within our ward family. I have a great testimony of fasting and have seen the blessings from making this a monthly ritual in my life. I would appreciate you joining in with my family and friends for this special fast if you feel so inclined.
So many times I feel like I'm begging Heavenly Father for what I want and not for His will. I know that faith and fear can not coexist and am trying so hard to keep the faith. I'm trying to keep this quote in my mind and put my trust in Heavenly Father even though it is sometimes so hard.
My friend Pamela posted this on FB today, I'm pretty sure it was for me and the answer to my prayers today:
The purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.”
Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good” (D&C 122:7). Elder Hales