Have you ever gotten up early and watched the sunrise over the ocean as it ushered in a new day? Last week I did just that. It was very quiet as I strolled along the waterfront watching this spectacular event that happens each morning. But this time I was even more in awe at the creation of light that we have been blessed with. It brought me hope and reassured me that Heavenly Father is intricately involved in my life. Tonight I'm feeling I can feel His light which gives me hope and enthusiasm for the future.
Today was an amazing Fast Sunday. I know that many of my friends and family across the country and in other countries were praying and fasting in my behalf. This morning I woke at 3:30 and literally felt like Heavenly Fathers arm's were hugging me tightly. I felt such peace and comfort that everything is going to be okay.
As I walked into church today I felt so much love of those in attendance. I know that my Bishop is called of God and that he is to be guiding our congregation at this time. We had a good conversation today as we talked about miracles and priesthood blessings. While I attended my church meetings I kept thinking of one of my most favorite parts in The Book Of Mormon. It is in Mosiah and talking about a faithful people who were persecuted for their righteousness.
Mosiah 23:21-22 "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless-whosever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."
And in the next chapter versus 13-15 "And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. AndI will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions...Yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
The first time these scriptures really stood out to me was when I attended BYU many years ago. I remember teaching this at a prayer devotional on a Summer Sunday evening. I have gone back to these scriptures many, many times since then as I've encountered trials. Over the past 3 weeks I have felt as the people of Alma that Heavenly Father truly has eased my burdens. I do not feel down or heavy, but physically feel my burdens lifted from off of my shoulders. I know this is because of my faith, my prayers, your prayers and fasting. I know that Heavenly Father is listening and answering. I was listening to a book on tape last night on my way home from work and it was saying how it is hard to understand how Heavenly Father can here billions of prayers each day, but that it is likely that he has different ears than we have. I really like that concept.
I have been praying specifically that Heavenly Father would guide me and my physicians to give me the treatment that would be most beneficial. This afternoon Dr. P called me. I don't know about you, but that's pretty crazy that my oncologists is calling me on a Sunday afternoon. He informed me that he felt he needed to give me more information and time to ask questions. He also sent me an email today about the treatment that he would suggest.
Another amazing thing happened tonight. I was talking to my friend Nicole whose mother passed away from OVC and who is very involved with raising funds for OVC research through Colleens Dream. She was telling me of a GYN Oncologists here in the Phoenix area. She sent a text or made a phone call to his nurse and 10 minutes later his nurse called me; on a Sunday night at 9:30. I tell you, SO SO MANY TENDER MERCIES! She talked to me about the treatment that this Dr. J would give me, which is actually similar to what the others have suggested, but there is an added medicine which is rather new and one I've heard of before which they have found over the last few years to be working wonders in OVC. They give it initially when the cancer returns and then maintenance doses, which people have been on for years and they are living several years. She also let me know that when I come back to Phoenix they would be happy to take over my care here. I'm thrilled with this information, as I've so enjoyed being in my home for the past 3 days and really needed to establish care here, but didn't know where to go.
I'm now thinking that I may stick with my original plan to finish in MVY the middle of August and return to finish my treatment in Phoenix. There is something about sleeping in my own bed when I feel crummy from the side effects of chemo. Dr. P actually discussed with me that it doesn't matter where I have treatment if I don't go with the clinical trial, which he actually told me in his professional opinion, that he wouldn't do anyway. It is also hopeful that I will be able to work around my chemo treatments, which will make the people I work with very happy and will keep me busy.
More Good News: With this chemo I will not lose my hair. Talk about exciting. If I do choose one of the meds, it could thin my hair but I won't lose it and I feel that med is not the one I am going to go with any way. The other meds will require more treatments, but not such harsh side effects. We will see what the consensus is on Tuesday.
I saw this tonight and feel it couldn't be more true about my attitude:
I'm a daughter, sister, favorite auntie, friend, physician assistant, lover of candy, tulips, fruit, a good salad, traveling adventures, a good book, style, flip flops, spinach shakes, Boise State Football and cooking, who happened to be diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in June 2013 and will fight like no other to live a positive, happy, vibracious, exciting life as a survivor and overcomer!