I love the movie Dan In Real Life. I think it is a hilarious movie and I laugh all the way through each time I watch it. I like the scene in the book store, because I love books. The book Every Body Poops is one of the books Dan recommends to his new friend. Yes, we all do it, but only a select few of us will ever have the awful experience of having a poop bag, otherwise known as Hank.
I don't know what was worse being told I had Ovarian Cancer, that I was going to have to have a hysterectomy or that I was going to have to have an ileostomy. A year ago today I had the ileostomy reversal, after having that damn Hank for 6 months and 9 days. I'd have to say that Hank was ten times worse than the chemo. It seems like it was much longer than just a year ago, probably because I want to put that memory to rest. Having a poop bag has got to be one of the most humiliating parts of my entire life, even worse than slipping and falling in front of the hottest guy TJ L. when I was in High School. But man did we have some laughs from Hank; it's much easier to laugh about it today than at the time.
The first time Hank really gave me trouble was the day before I was released from the hospital. Alisha and her mom were visiting and Tristen and Mitch had just left (wouldn't that have been funny for Mitch if he would have been there, but horrifying for my nieces I'm sure) I went to sit up and started leaking everywhere. Of course I was crying as I layed there practically naked, while I was cleaned up and presentable.
The first time I ventured out after being home with Hank was when we picked Nick and his Grandma up from the airport. We walked around the train depot and then went to lunch. As I was getting out of the car to go to lunch, Hank started leaking. Talk about humiliating, but Nick wasn't bothered by it. He just accepted it and even at one point went with me to order new poop bags. Did you know Nick actually gave Hank his name? Back to the lunch experience...Mom, Tristen and Tenielle all helped clean me up with diaper wipes that Tristen had in her bag; the restroom at the restaurant was one of the one person ones. I'm sure people were wondering why there were 4 of us in there at a time.
When I went to SLC, I brought several bags with me, just in case I needed them. I typically only changed Hank every other day, but in 24 hours it 4 or 5 and I ran out, having to get supplies from the hospital in SLC on a Sunday, thankfully I had a connection or else I'd have been in some big trouble. One of those episodes was when I was at a play and just after it started, Hank started leaking. Mom helped me change it and I thought I was good to go, but as I stood up after the play Hank started leaking again. UGH.
There were many times when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and yell out, "Mom, I'm leaking." The sweet mother that she is would get up with me, help me shower, change my sheets and put hank back on me (because I really couldn't change Him by myself). Putting Hank on was quite the processes. We had to make sure the area was clean and dry before putting Hank on or else the skin would break down and hurt. So many times we would have everything clean, dry and then Hank would spout out, I'd have to get back in the shower and we would have to start all over again. I'm telling you, it was probably worse than a brand new baby for my mom.
My mom has this beautiful rug in the bathroom and she would tell me not to get poop on the rug. Well one day it was hectic and Tanner had lost the keys to my car that he was driving back to SLC. Mom was out getting Tanner on his way, while I was emptying Hank. Somehow, someway when I went to empty Hank it went everywhere, including all over the outside of the toilet and the rug. I cleaned it up best I could all the while I was thinking I could either laugh or cry; I laughed. And then I had to tell mom. She didn't laugh. The rug got sprayed down in the back yard and now rests beautifully in the bathroom (and now you will never look at the rug the same again).
Thankfully after 3 months I finally found a bag that stayed on with little leakage, but I also had to wear a belt to keep it on; like an old person. Yes I know I'm totally painting you a beautiful picture, but really if you think you are having a hard day or life stinks right now for you, just be grateful you've never had to have a leaky poop bag attached to your abdomen.
I have an ugly scar on my right abdomen that will never let me forget about Hank, but it will always remind me of the miracles of prayer, fasting, faith and priesthood blessings