Real Quick...

Getting ready to head out for our second day in Boston!  The weather is perfect in the 70's!  We had a great day yesterday!  My favorite part was touring Fenway Park.  It was awesome to say the least.  Today we plan on going to Freedom Trail, Mikes Pastry's and the MIT Museum before taking in a Red Sox game tonight.  That's the plan for now, of course with our family things can always change!

More Trials

I'm pretty sure yesterday's talks in church were directed especially for me.  They were on trials and challenges.  As soon as the topic was introduced the tears began to flow.  The talks were centered on Elder Bednars talk from October General Conference about burdens.  It was a talk that I had recently studied and was familiar with.  A talk that has given me hope and endurance.  The speakers were not from our branch, but touched me in a way that the Lord knew I needed to be touched.  Here are some of Eldar Benars words that spoke to me, "Each of us also carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints. Two guiding questions can be helpful as we periodically and prayerfully assess our load: “Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”

Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness. Because our individual load needs to generate spiritual traction, we should be careful to not haul around in our lives so many nice but unnecessary things that we are distracted and diverted from the things that truly matter most. 

(I've always loved this part of the Book Of Mormon) “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs” (Mosiah 24:14).

Many of us may assume this scripture is suggesting that a burden suddenly and permanently will be taken away. The next verse, however, describes how the burden was eased.

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15; emphasis added).

The challenges and difficulties were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity made the burdens lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents (see D&C 58:26–29) and impact their circumstances. And “in the strength of the Lord” (Words of Mormon 1:14; Mosiah 9:17; 10:10; Alma 20:

Thus,the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.

There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (seeAlma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power. Indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light."

I've thought a lot about trials this week and wondered how much one person can take.  I'm experiencing a trial that I didn't expect.  I've been on my knees more this week than I have since being diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  I wonder why me and how much can my little heart handle before I crash and burn me.   I look around me at work and even voiced to one of the doctors that I worked with last night if I was the only one who had trials.  I've shed many tears this week and feel like screaming, "Enough Already."

I'm confused, but am seeking with faith and hope the right direction for me.  I've always had a strong conviction that the Lord will never direct me in the wrong direction.  I've been offered a full time position in Phoenix.  I know that I need to go back there when this rotation is up, but I'm hesitant to take a full time position. I keep thinking to myself that I would be a fool to not take this amazing opportunity.

Yesterday at the end of my shift I had a patient who had had a history of breast cancer at age 40 (she was at least 10 years out) and had to have a double mastectomy.  She was also a nurse.  I had time to sit and talk with her and her husband and to bear my testimony to them of the Lords hand in our lives and of our Savior bearing our burdens.  It was a sweet experience and one that I think we both needed.

I'm ever so grateful for my support system.  I have so many people in my life who love me!  It is because of them and my Heavenly Father that I'm able to bear my trials and to move forward in my life.
This morning I read the following quote that gives me hope, “Difficulties come into our lives, problems we do not anticipate and which we would never choose. None of us is immune. The purpose of mortality is to learn and to grow to be more like our Father, and it is often during the difficult times that we learn the most, as painful as the lessons may be.”

President Thomas S. Monson, “God Be with You Till We Meet Again,” Liahona, Nov. 2012, 111.

I borrowed a cd from the library this week and came upon a song that I've been blaring as I drive.  I think that if my life ended today or at least when it does I would want this song put to pictures and shown at my funeral because the words say it all....It's by One Republic entitled, I Lived.

Hoping you take that jump,
But don't feel the fall.
Hope when the water rises,
You build a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out
It's screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You chose to stay

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
Is give it all you have

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say

I..... I did it all
I..... I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup
Oh, oh

I wish that I could witness
All your joy
And all your pain
But until my moment comes
I'll say

I....I did it all
I....I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh (x4)

With every broken bone
I swear I lived

Another FF

1.  Saturday I went to the beach with my nurses and then to dinner. It was fun to spend time with them at a place that I love.
2.  Sunday I skyped the little A's and Mr. J.  This is always a treat for me.  The little A's started school this week.  Sure wish I would have been there for their first day.
3.  I have worked 3 busy days this week with 2 days off and then 3 more days on.  I have treated a lot of traumas.  I'm grateful for the talents I've been given to help people.
4.  Tuesday night Mr. J put me on speaker phone and we had FHE.  He gave such a great lesson.  It was fun for me to be involved even if I was clear across the country.
5.  Yesterday I enjoyed most of the day at the beach.  It was so relaxing to listen to the waves while the sun beat down on me, with the wind blowing.
6.  This morning I had a nice jog.  I jogged down to this path that I've always wanted to take which looks out to the ocean.  It was so clear today that I was able to see 7 miles across to Cape Cod.
7.  I had my CA 125 again this week.  It was normal at 8.6!

Sunday Lessons

This morning at church we only had 23 people.  Last week we had 52.  The branch president, primary president and relief society president were all out of town this week, as were pretty much the rest of our branch.  We only had 7 regulars, which included the sister missionaries.  We had no kids for primary or young mens.  We don't have any young women in our branch.  It was so crazy that so many regulars were out of town.  We were grateful for a few visitors, however most left after sacrament meeting.  There were only 12 people in Sunday School and 5 in Relief Society, which again included the sister missionaries.  The sister missionaries spoke in sacrament meeting and one gave the RS lesson.  I didn't want them to have to go home to make dinner after all they did for our church meetings, so they came to my house for lunch.

The impressive thing however about this morning is that we still were able to partake of the sacrament and be taught by the spirit.  It doesn't matter how many people are in attendance, the church is still true. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, because it doesn't matter where you go in the world, the church is the same; the meetings are the same and the spirit is there in abundance.  There are no surprises.  Granted we do start a little late here, but we are on island time!

I greatly enjoyed Sunday School where the lesson was entitled, Come to the House of the Lord.  The lesson was out of 2 Chronicles 29-34.  In the lesson there is a quote that I have always loved by President Howard W. Hunter which says, "Let us be a temple-attending people.  Attend the temple as frequently as personal circumstances allow.  Keep a picture of a temple in your home that your children may see it.  Teach them about the purposes of the house of the Lord.  Have them plan from their earliest years to go to there and to remain worthy of that blessings."  I'm so excited to be in attendance of the open house of the Phoenix Temple and to be there when it is dedicated this Fall!  There is such an amazing peace that comes from attending the temple.

In 2 Chronicles 32: 7-8 it says, "Be strong and courageous, be not afraid nor dismayed...With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us, and to fight our battles."  I love those versus.  They give me much strength and hope in knowing that if I have courage that God will help me fight my battles.  I have certainly seen this in my own life, especially last year as I fought my ovarian cancer battle.

As I sat in Relief Society, I thought about the early saints and when the church was restored of how there were only 6 people in attendance at the first meeting.  Our lesson was actually a combination of 2 lessons, Bringing up Children in Light and Truth and Sealing Power and Temple Blessings.  I loved  the following quote by President Joseph Fielding Smith, "There are thousands of Latter-Day Saints who are willing to go to meetings, willing to pay their tithing and attend to regular duties of the Church, but they do not seem to feel or understand the importance of receiving the blessings in the temple of the Lord which will bring them into exaltation.  It is a strange thing.  People seem to be content just to slide along without taking advantage of the opportunities presented to them and without receiving these necessary covenants that will bring them back into the presence of God as sons and daughters.  If you want salvation in the fullest, that is exaltation in the kingdom of Go, you have got to go into the temple of the Lord and receive these holy ordinances which belong to the house, which cannot be had elsewhere.  No man shall receive the fulness of eternity, of exaltation alone; no woman shall receive that blessing along; but man and wife, when they receive the sealing power in the temple of the Lord, shall pass on to exaltation, and shall continue and become like the Lord.  And that is the destiny of men, that is what the Lord desires of His children."  Talk about powerful.  What great blessings we are promised if we go to the Temple!