Friday, July 16, 2010

Wandering, Lost, Redirected...Whatever You Want To Call It.

There is a framed picture I have on my bookshelf across from where I sit that has a picture of a guy on a road with different forks which reads, "It is truly said it does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide what to do." From time to time in my life I have felt like I was wandering or kind of stuck in one place and not moving or not quite sure which path to go down next or maybe which path to continue down. That seems to be where I have felt lately. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in these feeling. Today at work surprisingly I had a few minutes to sit and chat with a coworker that I also consider a friend. We actually don't work with each other very often because she usually works at another hospital and only works 6 days a month, oh what I would give for that schedule. Anyway, she was telling me how she felt exactly like I have been feeling the last few weeks. She is married and has an 18 month old son and said that she use to feel like she had something to always look forward to. I agreed, like when you are in school and you know the semester will eventually end and another one will begin. But once 8 years of school or rather 22 years of school are over and another semester won't start and end you feel like you are doing the same thing over and over again and it isn't changing and really, it can be rather boring. However, Tuesday's quote of the day has continued to stay with me all week. It said, "Each of us possesses moral agency and we have the capacity, through our choices, to determine our destiny. On the other hand, our Heavenly Father is as intimately involved in our lives as we will allow him to be, as closely tied to our daily walk and talk as we permit him to be. Who would not delight in being led and encouraged and empowered along the path of life by One who knows the end from the beginning and can counsel us with perfect knowledge? One great sign of spiritual maturity is the extent to which we strive to be led by the Spirit" Uncle Lloyd aka Lloyd D. Newell. I have pondered over the line Heavenly Father is intimately involved in our lives...That is a pretty powerful statement and such a comfort to me in knowing He won't let me make any major mistakes. I have seen this time and time again as I have looked back on my life when it has come time to make a big decision. He won't make the decision for us, but I know that if we make the wrong decision prayerfully, He will quickly redirect us.
When I was in my undergrad I really wanted to get into the cytology program. I literally suffered through cell biology reading the entire book at least twice, rewriting my notes daily, going to tutoring sessions and actually not even passing the class. It wasn't that I didn't know the information, it was just Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that wasn't what he had planned for me. He knew then that I wouldn't be happy staring in a microscope for 8 hours a day. (I actually kept that book to always remind myself of this learning experience.) At the time I was devastated that I was an alternate to the program and that I was going to have to spend my summer at BYU repeating the class, which the first day seemed 10 times harder than the class at BSU. I can now look back and see that even though I thought I knew what I wanted, Heavenly Father was intimately involved in my life in many more ways than I ever imagined. I quickly realized my first day at BYU that something needed to change so I completely changed my major, enlisted in a 100 level nutrition class which I scored the highest I think I ever did in a class and had one of the best summers of my life with my sister Tenielle and my dear friend Aubrey.
So now when I'm feeling that I need to be redirected, or need a change, or what have you, that I remember the scripture's in D&C 6:19 & 36, "Be patient; be sober; be temperate; have patience, faith, hope, and charity...Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." He won't let me make a wrong decision, but He will teach me and gently, and I might add patiently, guide my ways. I have also learned that my time isn't necessarily His time. It is during these times I have heavily relied on the scripture Jacob 4:10 "...Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy over all his works." And then I remember He knows best and I have to be patient, accept His counsel and trust in His plan for me...I came across a quote yesterday that I believe will become my new motto, "Sometimes on the way to our dreams we get lost and find a better one." And so I continue patiently, ever so patiently...

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