It's Tuesday's Tunes!
Growing up my parents always encouraged me to live my dreams, to always reach for the stars. The earliest dream I had was when I was in 5th grade I was the best jump roper ever. I really wanted to win for my school so that I could go to the city meet. I did win, but then I got a horrible case of the chicken pox destroying my dreams of being the Nampa city jump rope champion. I was crushed and remember crying like I'd never cried before. I'd so looked forward to that day and will never forget the disappointment I had in not competing in this lifetime opportunity.
Fast forward to junior high, a place I have no desire to ever go again. During these years I competed in fiddle contests and performed more than I can now believe. My poor mother. But it was during these years that my parents supported all of us in our dreams to become the state and national fiddle champions. Needless to say, my brother Tyler was the only one who ever became a state fiddle champion. However you did make money and won a trophy for placing in the top 5. I wonder what my mother ever did with all of those trophies. Both of my parents were such a support to us and tried to calm our nerves before going on stage, but imparticular was the support my dad gave me. I remember him always being in the middle of the second or third row cheering me on and saying you can do it. And after when I thought I didn't do as well or when I didn't take home a trophey they continued to encourage us to keep trying. I might add, I always won the money jar for the best performance with my big smile and toe tapping.
And then into high school where it is every girls dream to be the girlfriend of not only the captain of the football team, but also the basketball team. I thought life couldn't get better than that, but then after nearly 5 years my dreams were again crushed after bad decisions were made. But again my parents encouraged me to move on, find someone who was even better and who would fulfill my dreams of having the "perfect life". Yea, that hasn't quite happened yet. I must add the dream of having the title of state soccer champions. Let's just say we had the best season ever my junior year, best meaning most fun. I remember playing in pouring rain for an entire 90 minutes and being the muddiest I have ever been. That was one of my greatest memories. Even though we never won a game that season, dad would keep encouraging us (Tenielle and I played together)from the sidelines to keep working at it.
College, I could seriously write an entire book on the dreams that I had for myself, however I never ever dreamed that I would get a bachelors degree, let alone a masters degree. My parents, especially my mother always encouraged all of us kids, but forcefully us girls to get an education. One that would allow us to work, while also being a mother. The quote on my graduation announcement read, "To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe” Anatole France. I remember leaning over to my friend Charisse just before getting my diploma saying, "I will never take another test again." And my mother tells me that at about that same moment, she felt that this wouldn't be the end of my education. However she didn't tell me this until I got into PA school. Mom had a dream for me then and I know she continues to have dreams for me now.
PA school was a dream I never imagined. People ask me all the time, "Is this what you always dreamed of doing?" My reply, "Nope, I always wanted to be a nurse, but I never thought I was smart enough." I learned from this experiece that it isn't about who is smarter than who, it is who has more desire and determination. I wanted to quit every day of my first semester. I would often call home saying I can’t do it. My mother would reply, yes you can. However one day imparticular was pretty bad. And again I called home crying, saying, “I’m quitting.” Her reply that day was, “well you know we will support you in anything you decide to do, but I am going to ask you one question, can you live with yourself if you do?” Now that wasn’t what I was expecting. She then continued, “If you quit, you will regret it the rest of your life, but we will support you in whatever decision you make.” She knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t a quitter. I needed that positive reinforcement and to know that someone had faith in me. I am grateful I didn’t quit, but even more grateful for her ever continuous efforts to keep encouraging me to be the best me I can be. I remember one day my dad in his soft, gentle voice asking me why I was crying and then telling me I had nothing to worry about because I had the Holy Ghost with me. Nothing to worry about, yea I guess he was kind of right, but at the time I had plenty to worry about, like making sure I passed my test with at least a 73%. On the top of my graduation announcement was the following quote, "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it." - William Arthur Ward
But then I had to get a job. Are you kidding me? Now know one told me in Young Women's that I would get a degree and then have to get a job. But my dream in PA school was to work in the ER. Little did I know that hard work and a little devistation needed to happen until my dream came true. But since it did eventually come, it now doesn't feel as exciting as it once did. Or rather maybe I just need to find another new career dream. Like dermatology or ENT.
All of these events have kept me going and have helped me to gain faith and hope that yes, if I dream big, great things will happen. But it is those tiny, ity bity steps that have shaped me. Some of those steps have been exhilerating, while other's have been devistating. The person I am today is not the person I was 15 years ago or even 5 years ago and it's because of my dreams. I always thought when I did this or that, then my dreams would come true and I wouldn't need to dream any more, but at 33, I believe it is still okay to dream. And I'm sure at 55 I will feel the same way, they will just be different dreams.
You know as I have thought about all the dreams I have had for myself none have actually come true the way I expected or wanted, they have all been even better than I dreamed or imagined. It reminds me that He who is all knowing, knows best and has His own plan for me; that if I'm patient and let Him guide me all my dreams really will come true. Over the past few years I've had a new dream. One that I think has been in the back of my mind for many, many years, but one that I have really been too scared of. The fear really, has been a fear of being hurt. But over the past few months, I have come to realize that pain is what forces us to grow...and so I continue to dream.