This blog post has been in the works for quite some time. It is probably going to come as a surprise to some, a verification and aha moment to others, and a little disappointment to most. Some I'm sure will feel that this isn't the appropriate way to break the news, but for me I think it is the easiest and will be the best way to give you all the only information that you need and will get. So if you ask any other questions I will only refer you back to this post as I feel what you need to know is written down here. I'm not quite sure how to say it other than my "romantic" relationship with Nickalaus is over. Yes, we are still friends, but at this point that is all there needs to be. It's kind of hard for me to put into words the feelings in my heart regarding the situation. But know this is what needs to happen for now. "We" have actually been "over" for 2 months. Yes, I have been pretty tight lipped about the whole situation from the beginning through the end. As I have gotten older and more experienced, I have learned many lessons, this being one of them; it is best to keep things quiet and to myself, it makes things easier for me.
The past 9 months have been some of the most enjoyable, happy months that I have had in quite some time. Not that I haven't always been happy because naturally I am a happy person, it was just a different happy as I have heard others call it. I have absolutely no regrets, but am most appreciative of the opportunities for learning and growth that I have experienced over this time. Nickalaus is an amazing guy with great potential, a kind, giving heart, the most beautiful blue eyes, and the sexiest southern accent. I have had plenty of experience's in life to know a good thing and this was a great thing, but sometimes it's not the right timing for one or both. I have learned over many years of experience that it is not easy to be patient when the fulfillment of our hopes are at stake. Sometimes it is hard to wait for time's natural processes, but patiently waiting ensures that we do not take matters into our own hands that belong in the Lord's. As I have come to realize this, the desires of my heart and the waiting process has become easier as I have learned the lesson of patience. I have recently been pondering this question and statement by Kimberly Webb, "Can we remember, the Lord who sustains universes also upholds our own small world? He brings about changing seasons in our individual lives and prolongs needed experiences according to His perfect timing." This is awing, yet humbling to me knowing very well that Heavenly Father is so intimately aware of me and has his own perfect timing for little 'ole me, if I will be patient great things will come. I prayed for patients once and said I would never do it again, even though I was blessed with this virtue, which I am so grateful for now, but the funny thing is I have recently been doing just this. I word it more as "please bless me with endurance through my trials." It gets me away from saying the "P" word.
I have had so many learning experiences over the past 9 months that I would never have learned had Nick not have come along when I least expected it. I am so grateful for him, his example to me, the lessons that he taught me and the aha moments that I have recently been blessed with. And so I share with you some of the highlights that I have taken away from this relationship:
Never greet or part without some kind of affection; even if it's something as little as a light touch. We all have bad days and we all need to vent about them to someone; listen with your ears and heart open and your mouth closed. It's okay to let the wall that has been up for over 10 years come down, even if it means showing emotion; aka tears. You can save $165,000 on your mortgage by moving from a 30 year loan to a 15 year loan. Communication in all forms is the key, but most of all you've got to open your mouth and speak words because none of us are mind readers even though we think we are; never have I been good at this until now and it's his fault. "Love's involved with spending time together." The fourteen day's of Valentines is even more fun than the 12 days of Christmas, however just two for Christmas is so very romantic and super quiet. I would certainly never have found my way many times without my GPS. If you pray to over look someone's weaknesses, Heavenly Father will most certainly answer your prayer making this very easy. A snowstorm for Valentines Day is even more romantic than a snow storm at Christmas. Mulch looks so much better than pine needles. Unexpected phone calls make for big smiles. If you say, "don't get pulled over in my car," it will happen. Keeping the routine of FHE can allow you to teach each other. No one can make you happy; you choose to be happy. When you order a pizza, remember he doesn't like onions, peppers, or olives, meaning don't buy a combination; instead order what you like, Hawaiaan, because that might just be his favorite too. The dyson is the best vacuum cleaner ever! It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. If you don't verbalize an apology, you never said you were sorry. You will never find a perfect person, that's why it is so very important to forgive and forget. Jack Johnson's got some pretty great tunes, how come I never got my banana pancakes? Jif peanut butter is pretty great even though it closely compares with the store brand. It is more fun to cook and eat in two's. If you aren't there at least fifteen minutes before it starts, you are late. Doubt not, fear not. Squash really is good, but only if you have it in squash casserole. It is more fun to share than to be selfish. Puzzles teach you patience and how to work together to make a masterpiece. Find someone who will build you up, not pull you down. If you run over a curb you will have to have your entire wheel replaced. It's worth waiting for someone who absolutely adores you. A man's house can really be clean and smell so good. If she gives you a present and tells you to open it, don't wait until later, because if you do someone else might just surprise you that she passed her boards. The moments when you are locked in each other's arms wishing that time could stop and knowing it won't are the ones to be treasured the most. He knows you better than you think when he can figure out that you are mad because you are playing the piano fast; but I was only mad once so just how did he know that? Tulips in January are just about the best thing even if they have been frozen, it's the thought that counts! If you go to a stake function together the cat will be out of the bag and you will get many questions, stares, and nosy people. Southern Grandmas can open your eyes wider than you expected, love you like their own, and never judge you for your imperfections. You really should finish your taxes before July to be financially responsible. Waiting six weeks for your first kiss lets you know, this one's not just one of those other guys. It's more fun to put someone else's needs in front of your own. "Terah, You deserve it, just enjoy it"; and that's what I did!
So you don't have to be sorry, because I certainly am not. I wouldn't take back a single thing that I learned or the memories that he gave me, the smiles that he created, the heart that is open, and the unconditional love that I understand.