Pity Party

Last week I got an email from my friend Katie.  This is what she wrote:
"Ok, can I just say again that I LOVE reading your blog :)  You are the most goregeous chemo patient I have ever seen!!!!!!!!   And I marvel at how positive you are and how grateful you are for every thoughtful thing anyone does for you or your family.  I guess I shouldn't marvel because you're just that way, but geeze louise there's not an ounce of pity party in you :0  You really are incredible."
I must admit I have plenty of pity party's, just not on my blog.  This usually happens at 10pm when I am having pain and we are having family prayer.  I don't know why this happens, but I think it is because I get tired and in pain and I have time to ponder about what I'm going through.  I feel sorry for myself that I'm not able to work, don't have energy to shop all day and can't exercise the way I use to.  I can't even eat what I use to eat for fear that it won't go through me and I'll have a bowel obstruction.
My biggest pity party is regarding my hair.  Yesterday when I woke up from a nap my scalp was super tender and continues to be today.  I suspect it is because my hair is getting ready to fall out, in fact all I have to do today is put my hand in my hair and a few strands fall out each time.  I'm afraid to put a comb in my hair, but I'm going to have to in a few minutes so that I can be ready to go to lunch with friends.  So yes, don't let me fool you, I have pity party's.  I just try to keep them at a minimum and do it in the privacy of my home.  I do try to remain positive and hope that I endure this trial well and that the months go by quickly.  ***I did my hair and handfuls fell out, but I'm not crying yet...