Goodbye Mr. J

Yes,  it has been several months since you have heard about Mr. J for good reason.  I'm sure you have figured out that Mr. J and I haven't been together now for 3 months.  It hasn't been the easiest 3 months for me, however I finally feel like I am moving on and back to my normal routine of life without him.  I've never experienced so much love and so much hurt from one person.  But the bottom line is that Mr. J and I are on 2 different spiritual levels.  I don't know if he thought he could be who I wanted him to be, if he decided he didn't want to be the person he let me think he was or what really happened, but things changed in a matter of 1 week and not because of me.  I've discovered that Mr. J has major communication issues when it comes to communicating any sort of problem or concern and that he is a quitter.  We all know I'm far from being a quitter.  I will fight tooth and nail before ever giving up on anything.  We never had an argument or disagreement.  I've also discovered that Mr. J has a problem with being honest and not just with me.  My biggest pet peeve, besides cupboard doors and drawers being left open, is when someone isn't completely honest with me.  There have never been any harsh words between us, even though sometimes I would have liked to say what was on my mind.  I have learned in my life that it isn't worth it to say hurtful things and so I choose to put on a happy face and keep my thoughts to myself.  I harbor no ill feelings towards him and have forgiven him, because really it only hurts me if I don't forgive.  

I've wondered why Mr. J had to come into my life at the time he did.  I've been through so much over the past few years and likely cried as many tears over him as I did when diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  But the Lord see's the bigger picture.  Tanner needed rescued this past Summer and Mr. J was the one who was able to rescue him.  It is because of this, that Tanner his given up some bad habits and returned to church.  Because of this wonderful thing that has come about, I would dare say that I'd do it all over again.

I see Mr. J and his little A's at church.  I love hugging those sweet kids and am sad for them that I'm not in their lives, they have got to be so confused.  Because of Mr. J's guilt he has a hard time talking with me or even looking me in the eye, even though I have no problem chatting with him.  I'm sad that he has made some bad choices and hope that he comes around to making better choices in the future.  

Tanner paid me the greatest compliment when he told my mom, "Terah has shown that she can love anyone, no matter their baggage (and let me tell you, Mr. J had more baggage than anyone I've ever dated).  She can over-look their baggage and love them regardless, but she deserves much better."  Even Mr. J told me that I deserved someone better than him, which I am glad he realized, before it was too late.

I'm disappointed that things didn't work out between us.  I had so much fun with Mr. J and his little A's, made some great memories and learned that I can love 3 people regardless of their baggage.  I'm confident that there is someone better for me, who I will be happier with and who is on my same spiritual level.