Thursday, April 20, 2017


Tuesday I miraculously felt amazing.  I began the day thinking, I'll run a few errands, dropping off a box of citrus to mail off to my previous company that I dearly love and stopping by TJ Maxx to purchase a screen protector since I cracked mine a week ago.  Of course I also bought a shirt for my vacation.  And then I went home to rest.  I didn't feel like resting and had some energy so I started a load of laundry and folded the laundry that had been in the dryer for a few weeks.  And then I put the clothes away that my housekeeper had folded and put in a basket.  And then I felt good enough to do another load of laundry and pay the stack of bills accumulating on my kitchen counter.  I walked around the house seriously thinking, "Happiness is doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, paying bills."  Oh the things we take for granted.  I couldn't believe how much I got accomplished in one day.  It brought me a whole lot of happiness.  And when I went to bed I felt I had accomplished more in the past month, in just one day.

And then yesterday happened.  I got up and did the whole shower, wash hair get ready all in one shot.  I think it took more energy than I was expecting.  I spent an hour helping my friend make desserts for her sons wedding reception on Friday.  I was nauseated so I took some zofran.  I went to the bank and the store and then blamed the heat for not feeling well so I went home.  I was so tired, not sleepy, just tired.  I came home and layed on the couch with my eyes closed and talked to Alisha for a while.  I need to get out of the house so I told my friend Janelle I'd come over and then I'd run to Winco and Costcto.  I literally got to the light by my house and all of a sudden this chica was sick.  I seriously couldn't make it home fast enough.  It was a bad deal and I spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch.  Thankfully my sweet neighbor was on her way home from work and stopped by the store to get me something with electrolytes in it and by evening I was feeling a little better. 

This morning as every morning I woke to birds chirping and the sun blazing through my window.  I feel great, I have an entire to do list to accomplish today and by golly I am going to get it done and hope to feel normal doing it. 

I was talking to mom in one of the 5 conversations we had yesterday and I told her I just want to feel normal and have a normal life again.  I want to not have to worry about planning my life around chemo treatments.  I want to feel well all the time and not wonder if today will be a day that I have no energy.  I want to be able to work out like I've always done without feeling sick.  I want to get to go to work every day or at least 9 days a month.  I want to have that normal life that I had 4 years ago before my diagnosis.  We both agreed normal would be awesome.  Mom admitted that she is getting tired of this new normal as well.  We'd like to go back to normal normal.  Maybe our miracle of normal is coming.  I sure hope so.

A few nights ago I was listening to an April 2017 general conference talk like I do every night by Ulisses Soares entitled Confide in God Unwaveringly.  The ending of the talk was exactly what I needed to hear:  The last 4 words touched me to the core.

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