Why Me?...Why Not Me?

Over the past 3 1/2 months the same question comes up in many conversations, at night when I'm tired, hurting and crying, and runs through my mind often.  Why ME?  Why do I have to go through the suffering's, worries and unknowns of Ovarian Cancer?  Why didn't I know about the symptoms so that I could have caught this earlier when it was a Stage 1 and not a Stage 3?  I should have known.  I'm a Physician Assistant for goodness sakes, I have done thousands of pelvic exam's and abdominal exam's over the past 10 years.  I should have realized that the mass in my abdomen was not normal compared to all of the other exam's I have done.  I did know it was there, but I had had it for so long that I guess I thought it was my normal anatomy, until it started growing.  I did know that something was wrong in December when I called Dr. Klomps office (my gyn).  But then I figured it was close enough to a new year that I would wait until I had to start my deductible over in January.  But then January came and went and I didn't give it anymore thought until March when the back pain started and the mass started to grow.

SO Why ME...Why Not ME?    

Because I have the medical knowledge with a Bachelors Degree in Health Promotion, a Masters Degree in Physician Assistant Studies and so many amazing connection's to do something about the SILENT KILLER which takes too many lives, because of little discussion about it in medical schools, CME's and doctors offices, little education of patients, minimal testing on women and fewer research studies than lets say Breast, Colon and Lung Cancer.  The number one and number two complaints (after colds and UTI's) that I've seen in my 10 years in medicine are Back Pain and Abdominal/Pelvic Pain.  Never once did it cross my mind that maybe my patient had Ovarian Cancer.  It makes me wonder if I have ever missed an Ovarian Cancer because I thought the back pain was related to a muscle spasm or Pelvic Pain was related to an ovarian cyst or fibroid tumor.  I will say I have never felt a mass on an abdominal or pelvic exam like I felt on me, but then again mine was Stage 3 and of course I could feel it.  That makes me hopeful that I never missed a Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer.  But what about those Stage 1 cancers? Why didn't I catch it early when it was a Stage 1?  I had WHISPERINGS of Ovarian Cancer for at least 2 years.  My main symptoms was urinary frequency which I had for years and just related it to drinking a lot of water,  I had frequent bowel movements for the last year and a half, which I related to my brother-in-law making me Slim Fast Shakes in the mornings, I eventually had to quit drinking them because they hit when I would get to work.  But then I started eating Aunt Leslie's homemade wheat bread and eating 3 grapefruit a day that I was able to blame it on.  Unfortunately for me it was from a mass pushing on my bladder and Ovarian Cancer that had spread to my Sigmoid Colon.

SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS NOW?

I'm going to continue to write about it and talk about this experience as much as I can so that hopefully other women will become more aware of the vague WHISPERINGS of Ovarian Cancer symptoms, and not let them WHISPER until it is too far advanced.  I'm NOT going to worry that I won't make it, because I am a SURVIVOR and an OVERCOMER.  I have far too many people to reach and teach, birthday parties to attend, nieces and nephews to watch grow up, places to see and vacations to take, patients to treat and someday I hope a wedding of my own to attend and somehow, some way children to raise.  Nope, I'm not going anywhere, anytime soon!

HOW AM I GOING TO USE THIS TO BENEFIT OTHER'S?

It's time to start a non-profit organization, get involved with the National Ovarian Cancer Organization, use my connections to help me get this going (if you have any pass them on), be involved in research, talk as much as I can to as many women as I can to spread the word and wear as much teal as I can purchase.  I have the education and experience behind me to be able to make a difference, a big voice and mouth that I will open even more, an army of supporters behind me to help in any way they can and a Heavenly Father that will give me the direction that I need to open doors that I dream will be opened.  I look forward to the future with faith, determination and will to be that voice that I know He needs me to be, to touch the lives of women and families across this vast country as I advocate for a great cause, that hopefully will save lives to this SILENT and Deadly Killer.  Wish me luck!!!!

Pocketful Of Poetry

I am a huge Mindy Gledhill fan!  I love her music,which is so uplifting, different and fun.  She has such lovely lyrics too.  Her new album Pocketful Of Poetry came out today!  What a fun title!  As I am at Chemo, I have been listening to tidbits on itunes.  When I get home from chemo I'm definitely going to download her new album with my $25 gift card that my brothers gave me!  I'm also going to download the sound track to Safe Haven I love it.  I love music.  It makes me so happy.  So if you are looking for something new to enjoy as you drive to work or as you clean your house or run your errands, download Mindy Gledhills new album Pocketful Of Poetry or all of her albums, you won't be disappointed!

Decoding Annie Parker

Last Thursday I went with my cousin Alisha, friend Linda and my mom to the Boise premier of Decoding Annie Parker.  I have been looking forward to this for at least the past month.  It was a very stormy night, remember we had a flood in our basement, but we left the boys to the work and went out for girls night.  They had a red carpet, I've never walked the red carpet until that night!  We had appetizers, drinks, popcorn and candy.  This place has the best humus ever!  Before the showing we ran into a girl that Alisha and I had gone to school with.  I haven't seen her in 18 years.  It was pretty special.  I always thought she was one of the nicest girls ever.  It was fun to catch up with her.

My Movie Review:
The movie had a great message and I really enjoyed that it was about a down to earth, normal girl.  I loved learning about the BRCA research.  I felt that I related so much to Annie Parker in her desire to know more about breast cancer; in my desire to know more about ovarian cancer and wanting to get involved in the research so that other's are aware of this Silent Killer.
I admit the "F" word was used too often in this movie by the husband and the sex scenes were to explicit for my liking, especially because I was sitting by my mother.  There were many older women there that I'm sure felt uncomfortable too.  Had I not have been there for the cause that I was, I would have walked out.  After the movie we were able to ask the director Stephen Bernstein questions.  What an awesome director; so friendly and stayed around answering question and talking with us until the last one's left (that was us).  I asked about Annie's relationship with Dr. King (who was the researcher) now.  He said they actually had never met before the movie came out, even though he showed that they had in the movie.  He did say that they have met since the movie has come out.
Afterwards we took pictures with him and I asked him why he used the "F" word so much.  He said that he actually toned down the language that she used in her journals quite a bit but that this depicted her and her family.  I also asked him why he portrayed cancer patients looking so sick, because I'm a cancer patient and I don't look like that.  He laughed and said, "No you don't look like a normal cancer patient."  He asked for my blog and said he wanted to keep in contact with me.  You never know maybe one day he will write a movie about ovarian cancer and use my journal entries!  I would watch this movie again and would recommend it if you use clear play to bleep out the "F" word and the sex scenes.
My favorite part of the movie was when Annie was talking about believing.  I felt like we think the same, to believe in getting better and recovering from the cancer.  She has actually had cancer three times including breast and ovarian.  I could definitely relate to her always wearing a coat, because I always have to put on a jacket around 8pm every night!

On the Red Carpet, I know bad picture, but I've never been on the Red Carpet before!

Already September FF

1.  Our evenings are starting to feel like September!  I love Fall and the crispness in the air already! Today it was only 77, however it is suppose to be up to 90 next week.  Fall will be here soon, but I will enjoy 90 when it comes!

2.  Saturday morning Tristen, Tenielle, Mom, Aidree and I headed up a little past Park City to Swiss Days.  I've always heard it was the best arts and crafts festival but was taken back by how amazing it truly was.  We had a blast, bought Christmas presents, ate snow cones (I admit I had 2; I needed my fluids in the hot sun), shared Navajo tacos, bought a chocolate cream pie that I'm sure was the best I've ever tasted and enjoyed being together.  I felt fantastic even though I had chemo earlier in the week.  Mom kept worrying that I was going to wear out from the heat, but I was fine.  Aidree did awesome too.  I'm pretty sure we walked her legs off, but she never complained.  I think she just enjoys girls dates as much as I do.  Given the fact that we were in Heber, we had to stop at Granny's Drive-Inn.  They have the best raspberry and almond joy milkshakes of all time.  We use to get them all the time when we were in college and would go up to Park City.  Of course they didn't disappoint 12 years later either.  We even saw a touch of Fall color's in the canyon!

3.  Saturday night even though BSU had their first game of the season, which that's all we will say about that, we went to our favorite theater to see Tarzan.  It was Broadway worthy and more entertaining had we have stayed home to watch the game...We were glad we didn't take Aidree, because she would have been scared by the masks.  Maybe in a few years she will enjoy it.  

4.  I loved staying at Tristen's new home this weekend, which is exactly a 1/2 mile from where Tenielle lives.  Most of all I loved sleeping in MY bed, given the fact that she is using my bed in her guest bedroom, since I'm not using it at the moment.  Of course we were sad to leave the girls.  I love them so.

I love this picture of Tenielle and me!

5.  Sunday I had a lovely time catching up with my childhood friend Jenny.  It never feels like time has ever passed between our visits.  

6.  Tuesday was Alisha's birthday so mom and I met her and her sister's and mom for lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  It was so much fun and delicious!

7.  Our friend Sylvia brought us a peach pie on Tuesday.  It was amazingly delicious.  I make her pie every season, but mine never sets up like hers.  It could eat peach pie daily!

8.  Thursday my cousin Abe stopped by in the middle of the day, so we took advantage that it was lunch time and took him to the Robin's Nest.  To bad Aidree wasn't here.  Instead of a normal 4 year old asking to go to McDonald's, Aidree say, "Mom, can we go to Robin's Nest?"  I think that is so cute!

9.  Today I met my previous supervising physician and wonderful friend Janine for breakfast at a French restaurant in downtown Boise.  I loved it and absolutely loved having a conversation with her after not seeing her for 8 months.  She is so awesome and a great friend.  She has always given me so much encouragement and praise.  The weather this morning was beautiful.  I later met up with Alisha and we enjoyed a Bowl of Heaven and a Target run.  

10.  Yesterday my dear friend Pam from CLT called.  I haven't talked to her in forever.  During her call we had us a true Southern Storm which I greatly enjoyed, until we realized it was so bad that our basement was flooding.  It was only around the edges, but a reason for new carpet!
11.  Tonight I went to my cousins high school football game.  I haven't been to one in years.  It was fun to go to a hometown football game.  He had his senior pictures taken and was holding a football.  You can see the Terah's Army wrist band that he is wearing in the hand he is holding the football in.  I thought that was pretty cool.  My cousin's daughter cut her hair and donated to locks of love today.  When asked why, she pointed to her wrist band.  She really doesn't know me well, but I am so thankful for her support in my behalf.  Her mother Misty is so dedicated, she sends me cards more than anyone.  I love it, they totally make my day.  This has certainly been a fabulous week indeed, back to chemo next week...
PS.  Can you tell that I enjoyed food this week?  Since I didn't have chemo this week I actually could taste my food.  You have to enjoy it when you can, for the next 2 weeks I'll have a major decrease in my taste buds, darn chemo.