Already September FF

1.  Our evenings are starting to feel like September!  I love Fall and the crispness in the air already! Today it was only 77, however it is suppose to be up to 90 next week.  Fall will be here soon, but I will enjoy 90 when it comes!

2.  Saturday morning Tristen, Tenielle, Mom, Aidree and I headed up a little past Park City to Swiss Days.  I've always heard it was the best arts and crafts festival but was taken back by how amazing it truly was.  We had a blast, bought Christmas presents, ate snow cones (I admit I had 2; I needed my fluids in the hot sun), shared Navajo tacos, bought a chocolate cream pie that I'm sure was the best I've ever tasted and enjoyed being together.  I felt fantastic even though I had chemo earlier in the week.  Mom kept worrying that I was going to wear out from the heat, but I was fine.  Aidree did awesome too.  I'm pretty sure we walked her legs off, but she never complained.  I think she just enjoys girls dates as much as I do.  Given the fact that we were in Heber, we had to stop at Granny's Drive-Inn.  They have the best raspberry and almond joy milkshakes of all time.  We use to get them all the time when we were in college and would go up to Park City.  Of course they didn't disappoint 12 years later either.  We even saw a touch of Fall color's in the canyon!

3.  Saturday night even though BSU had their first game of the season, which that's all we will say about that, we went to our favorite theater to see Tarzan.  It was Broadway worthy and more entertaining had we have stayed home to watch the game...We were glad we didn't take Aidree, because she would have been scared by the masks.  Maybe in a few years she will enjoy it.  

4.  I loved staying at Tristen's new home this weekend, which is exactly a 1/2 mile from where Tenielle lives.  Most of all I loved sleeping in MY bed, given the fact that she is using my bed in her guest bedroom, since I'm not using it at the moment.  Of course we were sad to leave the girls.  I love them so.

I love this picture of Tenielle and me!

5.  Sunday I had a lovely time catching up with my childhood friend Jenny.  It never feels like time has ever passed between our visits.  

6.  Tuesday was Alisha's birthday so mom and I met her and her sister's and mom for lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  It was so much fun and delicious!

7.  Our friend Sylvia brought us a peach pie on Tuesday.  It was amazingly delicious.  I make her pie every season, but mine never sets up like hers.  It could eat peach pie daily!

8.  Thursday my cousin Abe stopped by in the middle of the day, so we took advantage that it was lunch time and took him to the Robin's Nest.  To bad Aidree wasn't here.  Instead of a normal 4 year old asking to go to McDonald's, Aidree say, "Mom, can we go to Robin's Nest?"  I think that is so cute!

9.  Today I met my previous supervising physician and wonderful friend Janine for breakfast at a French restaurant in downtown Boise.  I loved it and absolutely loved having a conversation with her after not seeing her for 8 months.  She is so awesome and a great friend.  She has always given me so much encouragement and praise.  The weather this morning was beautiful.  I later met up with Alisha and we enjoyed a Bowl of Heaven and a Target run.  

10.  Yesterday my dear friend Pam from CLT called.  I haven't talked to her in forever.  During her call we had us a true Southern Storm which I greatly enjoyed, until we realized it was so bad that our basement was flooding.  It was only around the edges, but a reason for new carpet!
11.  Tonight I went to my cousins high school football game.  I haven't been to one in years.  It was fun to go to a hometown football game.  He had his senior pictures taken and was holding a football.  You can see the Terah's Army wrist band that he is wearing in the hand he is holding the football in.  I thought that was pretty cool.  My cousin's daughter cut her hair and donated to locks of love today.  When asked why, she pointed to her wrist band.  She really doesn't know me well, but I am so thankful for her support in my behalf.  Her mother Misty is so dedicated, she sends me cards more than anyone.  I love it, they totally make my day.  This has certainly been a fabulous week indeed, back to chemo next week...
PS.  Can you tell that I enjoyed food this week?  Since I didn't have chemo this week I actually could taste my food.  You have to enjoy it when you can, for the next 2 weeks I'll have a major decrease in my taste buds, darn chemo.

Sleep...or Rather No SLEEP

3 Months ago I had the perfect sleeping pattern.  I typically went to bed between 9pm and 10pm and fell asleep rather easily.  Of course then I was waking at least 3-4 times a night to tinkle (that was most annoying) but I often was easily able to go back to sleep.  When the sun would come up around 5am I would often awake a little, but then I would get up to tinkle again, put on my eye patch thingy and go back to sleep until 6:15am when I would get up and get ready for the day!  I loved that I woke early and went to bed early and felt well rested

...But then SOMETHING HAPPENED...

I hate talk about this, because I sound like an old lady, but I'm pretty sure this is the culprit, given the fact that all of my older friends and my mom talk about their INSOMNIA...

FORCED MENOPAUSE

Just writing the words makes me have that look on my face when I smell a dirty diaper of one of my nieces and nephews.

I've never talked about IT, because I have a hard time accepting IT...

IT being a hysterectomy at age 36...So not right...So not fair...So wrong...

IT makes me feel like half of my womanhood is gone.  The thing that makes us different from the male species is GONE.  And was gone in moments, before I was allowed to accept it and morn something that was't going to be there ever again.  The thing that should offer us the opportunity to bear a child, the thing every women should experience and that comes up in conversations of every female gatherings, something I'll never have the opportunity to experience in this life.  GONE FOREVER!

BUT...it has made it so that I can't sleep.  This cancer patient can't sleep!  Isn't that what cancer patients do?  NOPE, NOT ME!  I don't even nap, like normal cancer patient's do, (except for 2 days after chemo, but then I have an excuse and drugs that make me sleep).  But then again, I'm not an ordinary cancer patient.  So annoying I tell you.  I still go to bed between 9pm and 10pm.  AND THEN I THINK...mostly I think about how my diagnosis played out and how I can't believe it happened the way it did and I think about it over and over again.  I make lists in my mind, when really I should just get up and write them down.  I listen to music, but then when it is over I think, I should be sleeping by now, given I just listened to an hours worth of music.  Last night I tried to go to sleep without music, didn't work.

I usually have to get up around 12am to empty Hank (Nick named him) my lovely ileostomy bag that makes me crazy (definitely for another post).  Finally last night at 12am I took a fourth of an Ambian.  I hate to admit that I gave into the drug, but I had to.  The worst part of not being able to sleep at night is that I sleep until 9am or 10am.  Maybe this is the cancer patient part, but I hate it.  I feel like I have wasted my day. By the time I eat breakfast and waste time on the computer half my morning is gone without accomplishing much of anything.

So what is the answer my friends?  Just stay up reading until I am so tired I have to put the book down, get up and blog (which I have done), take a sleeping pill every night at 9 so that I'm asleep by 10:30?  Or just grin and bear it?  Probably the later...

More Tender Mercies

I was able to change my insurance to the better one a month ago, which is great.  However, because it goes from July to July I thought I had to pay my deductible of $1000 and max out of pocket twice $10,500 and $7,500.  This morning I was talking to the girl from my insurance company who has been amazing through this entire process.  I said something about paying two max out of pockets back to back and she informed me that I only had to pay the one max out of pocket because it was per calendar year!  Hello another tender mercy for sure.  I am just fine paying one deductible but two I wasn't so happy about.  Heavenly Father is surely on my side through this and giving me so many tender mercies along the way to let me know He is there, He hears the many prayers in my behalf and He will help me through this trial.  What a blessing the last few days have been to have some of my financial burdens a little lighter.  I am so grateful that I have the means to pay for my medical bills and ever so grateful for insurance that pays most of it!  I can afford a meager $12,000 (even though I'd like to put it towards a new car) when my medical bills will total close to $200,000 this year.  Hooray for TENDER MERCIES and so many BLESSINGS!

RAIN

This morning I woke to the pitter-patter of rain drops, big ones too!  What an exciting morning it was!  I have loved rain storms since living in the South.  I love the smell and sounds of a rain storm.  I loved every moment this morning as I sat at my computer with the window open as I smelled the rain and felt its mist through the window.  Apparently we last had a good rain storm in June when I was in the hospital.  Other than that we have had a rather dry Summer.  It has been a lovely, hot Summer which I have enjoyed greatly, but I'm ready for cooler temperatures, crisp fall mornings and a little more rain!