More Chemo

I'm sad to report that I started experiencing tailbone/back pain about 3 weeks ago.  This is the same pain I've had the past 2 times I've had to have chemo.  My chemo holiday of only 2 months was not long enough.  Monday the discomfort was almost more than I could tolerate.  I had emailed Dr. J last week and never heard back from him.  I emailed him again on Monday and he finally emailed me back Tuesday.  Monday I called Dr. Dan's office knowing he wouldn't be in until Tuesday.  When I didn't hear back from him and was super uncomfortable while trying to sleep on Tuesday night, I finally got up and emailed him.  He sent me a message Wednesday morning telling me to call and come see him, which I got right on it Wednesday morning.

I had my monthly CA-125 last week which was 31 up from 28, but still in the high normal range.  But the symptoms largely out weight the numbers.  So Wednesday I saw Dr. Dan and was put on another Chemo treatment called Doxyl.  Dr. P wanted to put me on this last summer, but one of the side effects is hair thinning, which I didn't want then and don't want know but I'd rather be out of pain.  It is slower acting and only once a month.  All 3 oncologists agree this is the next treatment.  The treatment only takes a few hours which is so much better than the last ones that take all day.  I've been a little tired, had some nausea, but for the most part the pain is worse than the side effects.  It is most uncomfortable to sit, but the worst is to lay on my back.  Sometimes the heating pad works, but I've been having to resort to pain medicine, especially at night.  Dr. Dan has had to convince me to take pain meds and reminds me that I have cancer and it's ok to treat the pain and no I won't become addicted if its just for pain.

This is so hard for me to understand why after the many prayers and fasting my family, myself and many friends and strangers have said that I have yet to have been blessed with the miracle we are all hoping and praying for.  But I keep reminding myself that I need to have patience and trust in the Lord.  I have faith that there is a treatment that will destroy these cancer cells.  We just have to find out which one it is.  It is my hope this is the one.

Today I read one of my favorite scriptures that says, "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and eye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." D&C 88:62-63.  This scriptures makes it sound so easy and I'm doing all that it says.  I have great faith that Heavenly Father hears all of our prayers and he will answer them in His timing.

President Eyring just 2 weeks ago in General Conference taught, "All of us have had our faith tested by precious blessings delayed, vicious attacks of those who wanted to destroy our faith, temptations to sin, and selfish interest that reduced our efforts to cultivate and soften the spiritual depths of our hearts...If you listen with the Spirit, you will find your heart softened, your faith strengthened, and your capacity to love the Lord increased."  He then quotes this scripture:  "Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come." D&C 69:4-6.

How can I be discouraged after reading those quotes?  They give me the spiritual medicine I need to keep moving forward, to increase my faith and hope and to continue to believe in miracles.