Cancer Side Effects

I just got off the phone with my Aunt Leslie and she told me that I'm always so positive on my blog and asked why I don't talk about the side effects from chemo.  Well friends, here it is...

I have horrible neuropathy in my hands and feet.  I always thought neuropathy was numbness and tingling, which it is, but the worst part is that I have pain as well.  I have numbness and tingling in my hands and forearms, but my feet, knees, elbows and sometimes shoulders hurt almost as bad as the bone pain I had when I had chemo.  In the evenings and mornings my fingers hurt when I flex them and my feet kill to walk.  I have a hard time even opening my pill bottles because of the pain in my hands.  The 800mg of Motrin that I take only at night don't seem to help, but I keep taking it.  These symptoms are all a side effect from the chemo.  I've heard from some that it can last months to years.  Lets just hope it isn't years.

I've been taking neurontin which helps with nerve repair since I had surgery 5 weeks ago.  It worked the first 2 weeks, but the pain returned after being out in the cold at the cemetery when my grandpa passed away.  I see my doctor Wednesday so hopefully he will have a solution.  I hope being in the warmth of AZ and getting some vitamin D will cure this.

This morning when I looked in the mirror as I was stepping into the shower I noticed the many scars on my torso, which made me cry.  They are far from attractive.  But then I realized these scars are the reason I'm alive and so I let the water wash my tears away and put on a happy face.

The hair on my body has returned, except for the back of my legs.  I don't know if this is good or bad.  I will admit I enjoyed not having to use a razor for 7 months.  My eyebrows and eyelashes are back!  I even had to pluck my eyebrows this morning.  That is a good sign.  The hair on my head is pretty much filled all of the bald spots and is looking rather thick, however it is so short and makes me think it will take forever to have any kind of style.  It is super soft, like a baby chick and everyone likes to rub my head, which can be quite annoying.  It's only been 1 1/2 months since I've seen some growth and I really have more than I thought I would by now.  I am taking pictures every month, which I can see some growth from last month and I'm sure will see more improvement in the months to come.

The lovely prednisone that they gave me every time I had chemo has added a total of 10 pounds to my physic and now you wonder why I've been working out so much at the gym.  I'm bound and determined to get this off quickly.  When patient's would tell me prednisone caused weight gain, I always thought they were full of bologna.  Well I admit, they were right.  Hopefully getting back to a normal schedule, I'll burn more calories than I have been sitting around the house and shed those pounds so that my normal clothes will fit soon.

I think that is enough complaining for now.  Let's hope in 1 month all of these side effect will be history, I'll be able to run again and my normal clothes will be loose!

REMISSION!

Yesterday's CT Scan and Blood Tests:  All NORMAL!  The words REMISSION never sounded so sweet coming from Dr. Dan!  At night when I can't sleep, I've played this scenario out in my mind over the past week, but when it came down to it I wasn't sure what to do or how to react, however my relief came as tears of joy.  I'm overjoyed that the hardest part of this Journey is over, even though I know there is more to it.  Today's news seems all so real, just like it did the day I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  It's a relief to have chemo days something of the past, no more weekly needle pokes and to realize that I have made it through one of the hardest obstacles of my life.  Yes, there are still hard things that will come like the thought of regrowing my hair, building back my energy and muscle and then going back to work after such a long time off.  But the hardest part is over!  I did it; We did it.  I couldn't have done it without my amazing army of supporters, my family, friends, and strangers.  Yes, strangers, like the people who ask me about my treatment while standing in lines at the post office or the supermarket and then who tell me they will pray for me.  I testify of the power of prayer; that our Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.  I have certainly felt his loving arms and spirit of peace encompass me throughout this journey.

For months I have worn this necklace around my neck with the faith in knowing I could accomplish hard things.  I believed I could and so I did!

I discussed with Dr. Dan that I feel like my abdomen is stretched out like I have just had a baby.  His reply, "It's like you've had 6 babies right in a row."  Thanks for making me feel a little better.  He also reminded me that he pumped me full of steroids and to be patient in letting the chemo and steroids rid themselves from my body.  It's not going to be an overnight process, just as it hasn't been an overnight process getting to where I am.  After a morning of feeling down about how I look, it helped in knowing I will be able to regain my strength and my shape hopefully soon.  I have to remember what I have gone through, that I'm still healing and that I'm not my body or my hair, but so much more.

This morning as I was thinking of my upcoming appointment with Dr. Dan, I ran across this quote which gave me comfort and peace in knowing great things were to come: "Hope has a way of being self-perpetuating.  Hope breeds faith.  And faith produces miracles."  -Tito Momen, from My Name Used to Be Muhammad.  How grateful I am for hope, faith and miracles, for I have seen the blessings of them throughout my life, especially over the past 5 1/2 months!

From here I will have tests every 2 months for the first year, port flushes every month and don't forget December 13 will wrap up this years surgery and the last sentence in this chapter of my life.

And so I say Thank You Ovarian Cancer it's been nice knowing you, for making me stronger and better, but now I hope and pray I can say good-bye to you FOREVER!