I'm having some harsh chemo side effects from this weeks treatments. I'm feeling so very sleepy (but unable to fall asleep), achy, weak, dizzy, a little nauseous, major chest and epigastric tenderness which radiates to my left shoulder, freezing, and a very chubby face including my eyes and fingers from the gallons of fluids they have put in me from the chemo over the past 3 days. I have no appetite and haven't eaten much in the last 24 hours, but my stomach is rumbling so as I sit here typing, I'm enjoying a piece of pumpkin/gingerbread with chocolate chips and butterscotch chips to stop the rumbling. The bread is absolutely to die for even though I can't taste it much, thanks to my taste buds being off from chemo.
I am so happy to report though that my CA 125 is down to 13. That means chemo is working! I am wearing a t-shrit, a sweat shirt, my new BSU jacket, yoga pants, socks, a hat and have 2 heavy blankets on top of me, which has finally taken the chill off. Dang chemo, I will not miss you one bit come November. It probably doesn't help that it is windy, cloudy and ugly outside. I usually don't start feeling this bad until later tonight, but this all started last night so I went to bed after a good cry and slept all night. I'm not sure why I was crying. I wasn't in pain, I think just overly tired. In fact I should have been smiling from ear to ear, which I was earlier from several sweet text from my Italian Stallion who I get to see in 2 weeks when we will meet up in SLC. I can hardly wait to see him. Throughout Grad School he would whisper sweat nothings to me as he sat behind me, make me smile when I didn't feel like smiling and make me laugh when I didn't feel like laughing, fortunately cancer has brought our friendship back together again; I can't believe it has been 9 years since I have seen him. Better not let 9 more years pass between us again. It's nice to have something to look forward to through this horrible chemo treatment. One more treatment next week and I will be on my way to SLC for a week for a little break from it all before having my final chemo round!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A Letter To DR. K.
I know it isn't every day you write a letter to your ob/gyn, however never has one had such an impact on my life as Dr. K. The thing about Dr. K is that his wife had cancer when she was about my age and passed away from it. I'm sure seeing me brought back many of those memories and he did everything he could because of his experience. I'm grateful he is a member of my church and that I can include my testimony in this letter. For months I have wanted to do something for him to let him know of my great appreciation for what he did for me, but it has been difficult to put this into words. I love the book Return by Richard G. Scott. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It will bring you so many answers to prayers as you go through different difficult seasons of your life.
Dear Dr. K,
Dear Dr. K,
I will never be able to
express the gratitude I have in my heart for all that you did for me in June in
regards to my Ovarian Cancer diagnosis. I
will ever be grateful that I didn’t have much time to think about my diagnosis
until after surgery and being home. I
think it would have been so much harder had I have had days or weeks to think
about my diagnosis had you not have gotten me in with Dr. Cooper as quickly as
you did. We certainly felt the spirit of
peace and comfort in your office, which was much appreciated.
Thank you for clearing your schedule and staying late to be with me in surgery that day. How grateful my family and I were in knowing a worthy Priesthood holder was in that surgical suite. Thank you for your prayers in my behalf, for your many hospital visits, kindness, gentleness and genuine concern for someone you had just met. There could be no greater example of a true physician.
My testimony of the Atonement has grown in leaps and bounds as I have come to understand what the Savior suffered for me as I have gone through my own Gethsemane. I have a greater testimony that the Atonement involves more than just sin. I know that our Savior knows what it is like to have Ovarian Cancer, pain, disappointment, sorrow and more as he suffered for each of us in The Garden of Gethsemane. I have felt the heavy burden that was placed upon my shoulders physically lifted as I have let the Atonement take place in my life over the past 4 months. I have felt this burden lifted through the many prayers offered in my behalf by so many from different denominations. I know our Heavenly Father hears all of these prayers including mine. I don’t know how He does it, but I know He does.
I have a deeper testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith as I have gone through this trial myself, especially as he experienced the trials and challenges that were wrought upon him. I can relate to his question in Liberty Jail, “Oh God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” And I have experience the peace that I am sure he did as the Lord answered, “My son, peace be unto they soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.” D&C 121:1, 7-8.
It is through the knowledge and skills of my medical providers, modern medicine, priesthood blessings, my faith, the faith I have in prayer and the prayers of others that I will be healed. We as a family have certainly seen many miracles over the past 4 months, which has increased our faith in our loving Heavenly Father. I feel that I have so many things to accomplish and people to help before I meet our Heavenly Father. Through this experience I hope to bring a greater awareness of Ovarian Cancer in my community, friends, co-workers, women and especially to practicing Physician Assistants throughout our country.
Enclosed is a small token of appreciation. This book is one of my favorites. It has brought me much direction and has added to my faith through different challenges that I have experienced in my life. My hope is that you will enjoy it as much as I do.
With Much Appreciation and Gratitude.
Thank you for clearing your schedule and staying late to be with me in surgery that day. How grateful my family and I were in knowing a worthy Priesthood holder was in that surgical suite. Thank you for your prayers in my behalf, for your many hospital visits, kindness, gentleness and genuine concern for someone you had just met. There could be no greater example of a true physician.
My testimony of the Atonement has grown in leaps and bounds as I have come to understand what the Savior suffered for me as I have gone through my own Gethsemane. I have a greater testimony that the Atonement involves more than just sin. I know that our Savior knows what it is like to have Ovarian Cancer, pain, disappointment, sorrow and more as he suffered for each of us in The Garden of Gethsemane. I have felt the heavy burden that was placed upon my shoulders physically lifted as I have let the Atonement take place in my life over the past 4 months. I have felt this burden lifted through the many prayers offered in my behalf by so many from different denominations. I know our Heavenly Father hears all of these prayers including mine. I don’t know how He does it, but I know He does.
I have a deeper testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith as I have gone through this trial myself, especially as he experienced the trials and challenges that were wrought upon him. I can relate to his question in Liberty Jail, “Oh God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” And I have experience the peace that I am sure he did as the Lord answered, “My son, peace be unto they soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.” D&C 121:1, 7-8.
It is through the knowledge and skills of my medical providers, modern medicine, priesthood blessings, my faith, the faith I have in prayer and the prayers of others that I will be healed. We as a family have certainly seen many miracles over the past 4 months, which has increased our faith in our loving Heavenly Father. I feel that I have so many things to accomplish and people to help before I meet our Heavenly Father. Through this experience I hope to bring a greater awareness of Ovarian Cancer in my community, friends, co-workers, women and especially to practicing Physician Assistants throughout our country.
Enclosed is a small token of appreciation. This book is one of my favorites. It has brought me much direction and has added to my faith through different challenges that I have experienced in my life. My hope is that you will enjoy it as much as I do.
With Much Appreciation and Gratitude.
Pumpkin Gingerbread Loaf
Yes, it is finally October which means I can eat as much pumpkin as I like for the next 2-3 months. I had no intentions of baking anything today. Mom had the stove on for dinner and said that if I wanted to bake something to do it now. (I think she wanted something sweet for dessert.) I figured, heck why not in a few days I won't be able to taste anything thanks to chemo, so I might as well enjoy it now. I pinned this Pumpkin Gingerbread Loaf while having chemo today so I figured since I love gingerbread and pumpkin it would be a great asset to my pumpkin/fall recipes. Do you know how mom and I cook sometimes? I read the recipe and gather the ingredients, while she puts them together and mixes. When I cook myself, she tries to add her 2 bits, but sometimes I have to tell her I'm cooking and to back off. There are just some things that I like without her adding or subtracting. However sometimes I really do like it when she adds her 2 bits. The pumpkin gingerbread loaf is really yummy, especially if you add semi-sweet chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. We also added vanilla, because we add vanilla to everything we bake and lessened the salt to 1 tsp instead of 1 1/2 tsp. I don't take credit for this recipe and the person I pinned it from didn't say where she got this recipe from either so to whoever you are, thank you for your recipe! So do I give one loaf away or freeze it? Wish I could send it to Theresa at themeadowbrookblog.blogspot.com, but since I can't I'll just be thinking of you as I eat away.
Pumpkin Gingerbread
Printable Version
3 cups granulated sugar
½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup unsweetened applesauce (I used sweetened)
4 eggs
⅔ cup water
1 (15 oz.) can pumpkin puree
2 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. ground allspice
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. ground cloves (we would put 1/2 tsp in next time)
3½ cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1½ tsp. salt I only used 1 tsp
½ tsp. baking powder
I added 1 tsp vanilla
1. Preheat oven to 350°F and lightly grease two 9x5 or 4 mini loaf pans; set aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine sugar, oil, applesauce, and eggs. Beat until smooth. Add water and beat until well blended.
3. Stir in pumpkin, ginger, allspice, and cinnamon.
4. In a medium bowl, combine flour, soda, salt, and baking powder. Add dry ingredients to pumpkin mixture and blend just until all ingredients are mixed. Do not over-mix.
5. Divide batter between prepared pans. Bake in preheated oven until toothpick comes out clean, about 1 hour for 9x5 pans, 30-45 minutes for mini loaf pans (begin checking around 25 minutes for mini pans).
Pumpkin Gingerbread
Printable Version
3 cups granulated sugar
½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup unsweetened applesauce (I used sweetened)
4 eggs
⅔ cup water
1 (15 oz.) can pumpkin puree
2 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. ground allspice
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. ground cloves (we would put 1/2 tsp in next time)
3½ cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1½ tsp. salt I only used 1 tsp
½ tsp. baking powder
I added 1 tsp vanilla
1. Preheat oven to 350°F and lightly grease two 9x5 or 4 mini loaf pans; set aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine sugar, oil, applesauce, and eggs. Beat until smooth. Add water and beat until well blended.
3. Stir in pumpkin, ginger, allspice, and cinnamon.
4. In a medium bowl, combine flour, soda, salt, and baking powder. Add dry ingredients to pumpkin mixture and blend just until all ingredients are mixed. Do not over-mix.
5. Divide batter between prepared pans. Bake in preheated oven until toothpick comes out clean, about 1 hour for 9x5 pans, 30-45 minutes for mini loaf pans (begin checking around 25 minutes for mini pans).
An Ovarian Cancer Aquaintance
Today at chemo I sat by a women who has ovarian cancer. She said she had never met another person with ovarian cancer. This is her second round of treatment. She was diagnosed when she had a hysterectomy for ovarian cancer at age 48. She went through the treatment that I am going through and a year later had a CT scan which showed a few lymph nodes with cancer so she had them removed and is having a different kind of chemo. I pray mine goes away for good and I don't have to go through this again. We have been talking all morning. It is kind of fun to have someone who has gone through what I am going through. She works for the city and has all kinds of connections. I talked with her about doing an ovarian cancer run which she is interested in because she is a marathon runner. She wants to help in getting this going in our town. Our goal is to have a walk next September like the 27th during Ovarian Cancer month. I'm so excited. She is going to talk with the mayor and the city officers to see if they can help us with funding and support. One of the people running for mayor had "an ask me questions" on facebook last week. I asked him if he would support turning the town teal during September for Ovarian Cancer month and he said yes. This new friend of mine said she thinks both people running for mayor would be supportive of it, especially because they know her and what she has gone through. I'm so excited for what I'm going to be able to do in the future to be an advocate and to raise funds for Ovarian Cancer.
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