More, Savior, Like Thee

I've been thinking today about what it is I need to learn from the trials that I'm experiencing.  Why after already going through cancer once, do I have to go through the process of chemo and doctors appointments, side effects and setbacks again?  I remember in April getting into bed one night thinking to myself, "I finally have my life back."  Since moving from Charlotte in October 2011 and going through cancer the first time I felt that my life was like a bumpy dirt road with so many up's and down's, but things were finally starting to feel normal.  And then cancer returns. 

With the return of cancer, doctors appointments, chemo, going home, returning to MVY and having guests here, I haven't really had much alone time in the last few months.  This weekend I've pretty much just slept as I've allowed my body to react to the chemo and to let it work at healing me.  I actually have had no other choice, since I have no control over the deep sleep the chemo puts me into.

However today as I've pondered the question 'why again', the words of the song More Holliness Give Me continue to play through my mind and have answered the why.  The simple answer is so that I can become more like my Savior and so that I will have more faith and trust in Him and his plan for me.

More holiness give me,
More strivings within,
More patience in suff'ring,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief,
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.

More purity give me,
More strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be,
More blessed and holy—
More, Savior, like thee.

In a book I'm reading by Richard G. Scott he states, "Our Heavenly Father did not put us on the earth to fail but to succeed gloriously."  I love that!  It makes me realize that as I go through trials, it is for me to grow and learn and to become like my Savior and to succeed gloriously!

At 2:30 this morning I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I listened to a conference talk by Rosemary Wixom the General Primary President.  In her talk she quoted Mosiah 4:9, "Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things...; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."  At the end of her talk she says, "When the primary children sing 'A Child's Prayer,' they ask: "Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?"  We too may wonder, "Is Heavenly Father really there?" only to rejoice when the answers come in quiet, simple assurances.  I testify that those simple assurances come as His will becomes ours."  That last sentence hit me to the core.  I will admit that when I pray I am praying for what I want.  I'm not praying for His will.  I want to be healed and to have a long life of happiness.  But I also have faith that Heavenly Father can heal me.  I hope that this is His will too.  But what if it isn't?  I hope that through this trial that my faith will become strengthened and that I will eventually be able to say that His will has become mine.

It is my hope that in the coming months as I continue to endure the grueling side effects from chemo that I will find ways to serve others as the Savior would, that I will come to know Him more and that I will be able to trust in Heavenly Father's plan for me.