Mother's Day

The days surrounding Mother's Day and the few days since I've thought a lot about my mom and all that she means to me.  My mom has always been the one constant in my life, but over the past year I relied on her more than I have since I was a child.

When I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer my mom was in the same room agonizing over the diagnosis I had just been given just as much as I was.  I can't imagine what it must have been like to have your first born be given a life threatening illness.  The next day she paced the floors, sat on hard chairs, and held it together for the most part, with the exception of an occasional breakdown, for  8 hours in the dungeon of the hospital as surgeons fished for tumors throughout my little body.  

She didn't dare leave the hospital until a fews days later when she knew I was in the hands of another family member after being instructed by my physician that she needed to go home for the evening.  As she drove home that night through tears and shear unbelief she vowed to have faith and not fear. 

She comforted my anxieties, concerns and doubts those many days in the hospital by playing Heavenly music on her ipod, holding me close and letting me cry.  She was strong for me by crying in the family waiting room on the Oncology floor instead of in front of me.  

When she couldn't see I was improving, she took it into her own hands to talk to nurses and Aunt Thalia to come up with a medication that could be presented to my physician that was the key to my improvement.  

She held my barf bag more than once, prayed more prayers than she has likely prayed and was the rock of faith needed on that 4th floor.

When I went home from the hospital 15 days later, my untrained nurse started my IV's, got up in the middle of the night for feedings and medications, changed and cleaned up my ileostomy, showered me, dressed me, did my laundry, helped me get out of bed and everything else because I literally couldn't do anything for myself and was reliant on her 100%.  

She took me to my first chemo appointment, physician visits and prayed effortlessly that the side effects would be minimal.  As my hair started to fall out she held out her hands as I would hand handfulls to her from the shower.  She to cried with me as my beautiful, dark hair in a weeks time fell from my head and I became a baldy.

I wil never forget her saying over and over again, "We can't go around this, we have to go through it."  I didn't just go through it, WE went through it together.  She cried with me as we exited the hall from my last chemo treatment, knowing we did it!  She celebrated along side me as we heard the words remission.  The past year had its down right awful moment's and I don't ever want to experience any of it ever again, but I'm grateful today for this amazing lady I call my mom.  I know that it is because of her, her strength, her prayers and her love that I was able to conquer such a difficult ordeal.  I will never be able to show her or tell her how much this year has meant to me, but know mom I love you more today than I did last Mother's Day.

Remember our photo shoot last fall?  Finally some picture from it!