General Conference, Ponderize & Small Improvements

This past weekend was our church's semi annual General Conference from SLC.  It is a weekend full of amazing talks where I receive answers to questions I've been pondering, which give me peace and comfort especially through difficult times.  This weekend I came to conference with a list of questions, all of which were answered through many different talks.

I love that I can listen to a talk every night from my hand held device, read and highlight the talks from my hard copy that I will receive in a month from now and that through these talks it is a way for Heavenly Father to speak to me through his chosen servants.

Instead of giving you a list of my favorite quotes all in one post, I think I will try to write a post each week with my favorite quotes from talks that I'm studying and how I am applying them to my life.

This was a special General Conference because of the fact that over the past 6 months 3 of the 12 Apostles passed away and 3 more replaced by genuine, humble spiritual men whom the Lord has prepared for these callings for many years.  One of them is Elder Renlund, whose wife had ovarian cancer when she was 25, just 16 months after their only daughter was born.  I've read a few articles about her story and think it would be so awesome to meet her.  Someday maybe.  The other 2 are Elder Stevenson and Elder Rasband.  I've always loved listening to Elder Rasband speak and now look forward to his talks each General Conference the first weekend of April and October.

Our dear prophet President Monson is aging and not as healthy as he once was, but he continues to address us and teach us those things that Heavenly Father wants us to know.

One talk that really caught my attention was about the word Ponderize.  It was a talk by Devin Durrant.  He says, "I invite you to ponderize one verse of scripture each week.  The word ponderize is not in the dictionary, but it has found a place in my heart.  So what does it mean to ponderize?  I like to say it's a combination of 80 percent extended pondering and 20 percent memorization...Read or think of the verse several times each day and ponder the meaning of its words and key phrases throughout the week.  As you make this effort, you will feel an increase in spirituality.  You will also be able to teach and lift those you love in more meaningful ways."

Last night as I was doing my scripture study I read the following scripture, which I've chosen to ponderize this week.  It was exactly what I needed to give me comfort as I start another round of chemo this week.

Mathew 14:35-36 "And when the men of that place had knowledge of him, they sent out into all the country round about, and brought unto him all that were diseased; And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: And as many as touched were made perfectly whole."  Isn't that such a beautiful passage?  I love the faith that these people who were diseased had, to be made whole through such a simple gesture as touching the hem of the Saviors garment.  I have been blessed with this kind of faith.  I know that if the Savior was in my presence I could be made whole by touching his garment, but I also know that I can be healed according to my faith.  My healing isn't going to be quick or easy, but I believe that through patience and faith I will be healed.

Today my CA 125 came down 9 points from 76 to 67.  This is where it was when I was diagnosed in June, but remember it went up in July to 83 and hasn't come down much since then.  I have felt discouraged because of the numbers, but I've never lost my faith in knowing that Heavenly Father hears my prayers and the many prayers said in my behalf.  My white count came up just a little to 2.7, my absolute neutrophils to 1.6 and my hemoglobin to 10.  These aren't perfect, but they are definitely better than my last blood draw.  I had an appointment with the NP who was wonderful, answered questions and adjusted my treatment just a little.  We've decided that in order to be consistent we are going to need to do treatment every 15 days.  This will be spreading things out a bit, but it will give my CBC and bone marrow time to replenish itself.  I also will have Neulasta injections the day after each chemo treatment.  I currently have a contraption on my arm that will release the Neulasta tomorrow evening at 730.  We did decrease the cisplatin a little because with just one treatment I am having foot pain and neuropathy in my hands.  I need my hands to work.  I had these symptoms for about 2 years and they finally went away with time and massage, but with just 1 treatment a few weeks ago they returned.

I will have the next 4 chemo treatments here and then go home for the holidays to have treatment in Boise.  We feel good about today's events and know that the Lord is intricately involved in my care.  He truly does answer our prayers and I know that I will be made perfectly whole as I trust in the Lord and his timing which is different than mine.