1 Year Ago

I've thought about this day for the past month; how 1 year ago today my life changed.  I thought it was for the worst as I sat in Dr. Klomps office and was dealt the greatest blow of my life, but as I reflect on the events of the past year I can't help but think how Heavenly Father was preparing me for better things to come.  I won't lie, getting the diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer was hard and the events of the 15 days in the hospital, the side effects of chemo and losing my hair weren't pleasant in the least bit.  However because of the way the pendulum swings, thank goodness joy and happiness always follows disappointment and sorrow; grief and pain.  It was through the challenges, heartaches and disappointments of this year that I learned to rely on my Heavenly Father more that I ever have.  I learned there are so many good people who care for me and love me.  I learned that prayers offered in my behalf by those from many different denominations are heard and answered by the same God.  And most importantly I learned that I can do hard things.



I'm ever so grateful for the concept of faith and my belief that God knows me, His daughter.  I know he has a plan for me; I always have, even when times were tough.  It is because of the faith that I had in Heavenly Father before this trial that I was able to get through this painful one as easily (if I might use that term) as I did.  I had such a hard time accepting why I was given this challenge, but I have faith that Heavenly Father had a reason for it and that He sees the big picture clearer than I do.  I didn't just learn a lot from this trial but so did my family and friends.  We were all in it together and we all grew from it; becoming better for going through it.



I've learned that it takes courage to conquer cancer.  This is part of my story that I'm proud to own; I showed so many others that a trial can be overcome with persistence, being positive and smiling through it; even though there were many, many tears shed.

How true this is.  I remember so clearly as I went through chemo, wanting to know what my future held.  I thought that if I just had a tiny glimpse into the future it would have been a little easier to cope with the challenges that I was facing.  I agonized over the day I would tell a man that I cared for that I'd never be able to have a baby and if there would ever be someone who would love me enough to accept me and my circumstances.  I found that someone who accepts me for everything I've gone through and sees my soul instead of my scars.

 

It's definitely hard to love the scars that cover my body, but I'm slowly coming to accept the difficult fact that just like my life will certainly never go back to the way it was pre-ovarian cancer, my body might not either.  But I'm slowly becoming okay with this.  I'm the person I am today because of those scars.  And as I've said before, I'm not the same person I was a year ago, I'm better.

And so I've moved forward from this trial a better person, more aware of others and their trials, a better provider, treasuring all of those little and big moments in my life and of course I still have my sparkle, more happiness than I ever thought possible and a future that is as bright as my faith!