As of today I am a Chemo Champion!
When this regimen was presented to me 4 months ago I never dreamed I'd really be able to finish them all, but with determination, an army behind me and lots and lots of prayer I did it.
I'm finished now and I hope for the rest of my life.
Dear Chemo and Cancer :
You will not be missed. I will not miss your side effects (tingling and swelling in my fingers and toes, bone pain, fatigue, decrease in taste, sore throat, indigestion and the constant burned feeling on the tip of my tongue), the routine of spending my entire days at the hospital, needle pokes with a very large needle in my chest and abdomen on a regular basis, having to take lots of medications, being filled so full with fluid that I feel as if I could pop, or the anticipatory nausea before and during treatments.
You definitely gave me a love for ginger ale, but only when I have treatments or fluids, a desire to chew bubble gum and blow lots of bubbles, a new love for warm herbal tea, all things sour and salty, airheads, tootsie rolls, apples and goat cheese (even though I loved you before, I just I love you more).
Thanks to You I definitely have no desire for hospital food ever again.
You have expanded and reshaped my abdomen in a way I never imagined looking worse than it ever has, you have made my lips dry, my body tired and weak, my nose run, and my hair disappear.
However, You have made my skin so amazingly, baby like soft that I wish I could keep you forever at least to some parts of my body.
You have made me more sensitive to my emotions, grateful for the relationships with people near and far, and let me realize it's ok to cry, but only for a short time.
You have taught me to cherish the small things and made me realize those small things are the big things!
You have sensitized my skin towards hot and cold, cold is so cold and hot is so hot.
You have helped me become more humble, prayerful, and reliant on others.
You have enriched my life as I have developed greater relationships with family, friends, doctors and nurses.
You have taken part of my womanhood and the opportunity to NEVER be able to bear a child, for this I curse you, but know I'll have the opportunity to be a mother somehow, someday.
You have made me a more compassionate medical provider.
You have made me want to reach out to every women and medical provider; to be an advocate for Ovarian Cancer
You have taken over my body killing not only the bad cells, but also the good ones.
You have done what you needed to do in lowering my CA 125 and in the coming weeks I hope there is nothing to be found on my CT Scan.
I'm grateful for the amazing army of family and friends that have helped me come out and conquer this fierce, sometimes grueling battle. It is because of THEM that I've been able to FIGHT, WIN, SURVIVE, OVERCOME, AND LIVE!
However in the END You blasted treatment, I Thank You for helping me become well again, giving me hope, lots more time, resilience, humility, and the determination to fight a good fight!
PS. Thank You for not taking all of my eyelashes and eyebrows, even though they are sparse, some are still there!
Today is my birthday. I am 36
5 hours ago