Sleep

I wish I could give you a great wrap of this past weekend, because lets face it, it's about the last weekend before it will become winter and the leaves will all be off the trees with no color...but I can't give you anything exciting.  Plain and simple it was all about resting, sleeping and letting my body adapt to what the chemo is doing to make my body well for one last weekend.  I remember 3 weeks ago when I had the twofer chemo I kept thinking one more, I can do this...and I did it.  I have slept more this weekend than I have since having chemo my first chemo treatment in July.  Each chemo seems a little different, but this time I was so, extremely tired that I just gave into the fatigue and slept.  I've finally after all this time accepted that it is time for me to heal; as before I just felt lazy, but it is about healing.  It is amazing to me how I can sleep all day and all night and then all day and then all night.  Typically I have a hard time falling asleep, but not the case this weekend thanks to my cisplatin and taxol.  The bone pain hasn't been so bad, but it also seems to have hit later this weekend, like now.  My mom has pushed meds on me probably because she doesn't want me to start crying because of pain, but also because she knows I'll suffer before giving into them.

I did enjoy watching dad rake the leaves into piles yesterday, but was sad that he was disposing of them.  I thought he could wait one more week, but he told me it was ruining the grass, like that matters given it's going to be brown in a few weeks anyways.  I did think it was sweet of my brother Tyler to come help dad with all of the leaves since we have so many.  Tyler really is a good man, willing to serve and help when needed.

My friends the Metcalf's stopped by tonight.  Russel always comes by when I'm in my pj's, with no make-up or hat on.  Good thing he is married to my friend Cynthia and I don't have to worry about impressing them.  They are good people and are always concerned with how I'm doing.

I talked with my cousin Emilie in Alabama today.  We play phone tag often.  I sure miss being close to her when I lived in the South.  I often think about moving back to the South, but after having such amazing care through my cancer I feel that I need to be closer to home, for now anyways.

Today I didn't go to church...you know I'm not feeling well if I stay home from church and you really know I'm not feeling well if I stay in my pj's, because let's be honest I'm a get up, get ready and go kind of girl.  Being in my pj's makes me feel dirty, like I need a shower.  Only twice have I stayed home from church during this chemo thing.  In between my naps today, I enjoyed reading talks from the General Relief Society Meeting this afternoon.  My favorite quotes were the following:

"Wherever we are in life, there are times when all of us have challenges and struggles.  Although they are different for each, they are common to all...We were not placed on this earth to walk alone.  What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us.  He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask.  We have the promise:'pray always and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good.'  As we remember prayer and take time to turn to the scriptures, our lives will be infinitely more blessed and our burdens will be made lighter." President Thomas S. Monson

"My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity.  We have seen the lives of loved ones-and maybe our own-figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen.  But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him.  He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His spirit can dwell eternally...The Lord has a plan for each of our lives.  Nothing that happens is a shock or a surprise to Him.  He is all-knowing and all-loving.  He is eager to hep us, to comfort us, and to ease our pain as we rely on the power of the Atonement and honor our covenants.  The trials and tribulation that we experience may be the very things that guide us to come unto Him and cling to our covenants so that we might return to His presence and receive al that the Father hath."  Linda S. Reeves

Beautiful quotes that have indeed had an impact on my life as I've struggled through the past 5 months with a potentially life threatening illness.  Even though we were all shocked at my diagnosis, He wasn't.  He has always had a plan.  I love that.  There is purpose in all of this, some of those purposes I have seen since my diagnosis and some it may take years to see, but I know there is reason for all of this.  An email from Kirt this week said, "Last round of chemo and your cancer is history!  More hair to comb and many miles to be jogged in your future.  You have much work to do to spread your wonderful story."  I loved that reminder; I do have much work ahead of me, people to strengthen, places to go, and miles to jog and I await the day that I have hair to comb!!!!